Tuesday, 21 July 2009

It's That Time Of The Year Again...


The Boss is going for a cruise.....and therefore so must I.
See you good people in a few weeks!
Now.....where's my bag?

Friday, 17 July 2009

Nawras Numpty Coach Driver

Jet Driver decided to go swimming last night down at Qantab beach, and as I was heading back towards my car, I saw a big blue tour-bus coming down the road. 


The driver, a young chap about 20 was tooting the horn and weaving the coach from side to side in an effort to look cool, and then proceeded to swing hard into the left parking area.


The laws of physics took over and a rapid but rather pricey lesson in kinetic physics ensued as he hit the brakes. 

Sand and gravel are not the most adherence-friendly of surfaces, and as the bus slid across the car park, and struck a ridge between two ruins, it is nothing short of a miracle that the bus stayed upright and the group of people, mostly teenagers from Nawras at the beach for a party, were not killed.


Jet Driver would normally go straight to the authorities for numpty behavior like this, but this being where it is....nothing would get done anyway.


One hour later, they were still trying to start the engine. 

Jet Driver and others explained that because the electrics were now ripped asunder and strewn all over the path, due to the bus falling off a three foot ledge, attempting to start this bus was both futile, and more importantly, dangerous!


This however, fell on deaf ears - as both driver and "assistant" kept turning the key and pumping the gas.


Utterly useless........but left in charge of a bus full of kids! 

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

It's Tough Being Cool

Stopped for petrol and water the other day at the Shell Select next to City Centre and parked right in front of the main doors.
Was reaching down to get my wallet from between the seats when a white Toyota Echo pulled up next to me.

This was a typical Omani teen-machine.
Lots of chrome and the usual mis-spelled "Feul Injection" stickers.
Pitch black tinted windows and the stereo up to the maximum level.
The song however, although muffled by my car door was still instantly recognisable......

"Muh muh muh.....Mirrie Jean is nah mah ruvver....She jussa gair who....."

Then as the passenger door was flung open, what can only be described as "Eighties Retro Cool Gone Horribly Wrong" appeared.

He was about sixteen, sunglasses on, silver baseball cap and florescent pink t-shirt but also wearing a loosely knotted tie, with a cigarette dangling precariously from his lips.

He was out to make a solid impression from his fake Ruwi Converse All-Stars, all the way up to his cherry-flavoured lip gloss and glitter-star cheek transfer.

His 22 inch waist was what let him down abysmally though, as while he swung his legs out of the car door and stood up, it became clear to all and sundry that he was still secured into the vehicle by his seat-belt.

The rather sudden automatic 'retrieval' of his 40kg frame by the straps, and his subsequent flailing and lolling, was by far the funniest moment of July for me so far.

Omani teens: if you want to be cool - get lessons.
It's a lot harder than it looks!

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Rock Bottom Muscat

The recent incident covered by Muscat Confidential about the US Embassy banning official US personnel from the aptly named "Rock Bottom" has been causing quite a stir on the local forums.

Those poor bouncers!
Why are they being treated so harshly?
CCTV clearly shows that the "fully trained Marine" engaged in an unlawful assault on them.

Let me make this abundantly clear.
Rock Bottom bouncers are thugs: scum-of-the-earth, wastes of oxygen who have nothing better to do, then aspire to be "Bad Ass Niggas, y'all".

I have on occasion, happily dispatched members of said "crew" when they have decided to become a bit too overzealous when being in my general space.
But as I mentioned earlier, my fondest memory is seeing a US Navy SEAL defuse one of RB's meat-heads one night.

Meat-head

The problem with Rock Bottom is that there has always been a history of tension within its walls. The reason for the "racist" cover charge was because of the high number of sexual harassment incidents from certain ethnic groups.

Unfortunately, and maybe it is a cultural thing, a lot of Arab and Indian men seem to think that it is ok to make lewd comments at females or in many cases, to touch or make inappropriate advances on them - and while US and Europeans do cross that line also, it is clear from the experiences of females out on the town, that Arabs and Indians are the main offenders.
Young Omanis are particularly problematic, with the main reason being that they are so sexually frustrated and oppressed.

If you are on 120 rials a month, then spending 20% of your wages on a handjob from any one of the dozens of "Health Centres" in Muscat is a high price to pay for relief - much better to hit Rock Bottom and accost the Filipinas who go there - or even sadder still: park your car outside and wait for closing time so that you can shout "Hey Bitch! Five Rials, huh?" while you jerk your hand up and down out the window, hooting with your sad group of mates who are all in the same boat, only to then go off and amuse yourself at home with the Internet and a jar of Nivea.

Those who have enough luck or connections to get into Rock Bottom end up causing havoc with the girls who will usually run to, or get protected by the nearest Westerner within earshot who thinks that asking a girl to "fuck me in the bathroom" is not really gentlemanly conduct. (Trust me, I have heard this on many occasions.)

This then results in the usual exchange of words and as no self-respecting local bouncer is going to risk a wasta showdown with a distant relative or the nephew eight times removed of his father's keeper, said "guardian of the peace" has a go at the foreigner.

Please remember that the majority of pumped-up bovine impersonators "on the door" at Rock Bottom have come from the same sex-starved stock as the perpetrators on the dance floor - and in a mixture of ego and lack of direction have decided the best way to gain respect from the bruthas is to hit the gym and sadly for most, to insert additional testosterone into their veins.

Now, it doesn't take a genius to work out that if you can't handle your natural testosterone levels, throwing in a few units more is going to turn you into an anger and libido-driven fruitcake.
An irrational ego-maniac who gets their kicks out of trying to be "Da Man".
Couple that with no conflict resolution training and no desire to resolve conflict anyway - and you have the typical Rock Bottom mallet-head.

Invariably, someone comes along from time to time who really, and I mean REALLY knows how to handle themselves.......and well, we all know what happens next.

Rock Bottom: not worth the visit, but definitely worth the negative PR that it is getting.

Sunday, 5 July 2009

Borders Bookshop - City Centre

An emporium of knowledge and reference, with fountains of information, all laid out in the finest examples of modern Euro-funk style reds and blacks with tones of Norwegian pine, swathed with a plateau of ochre-mixed carpets and deep-cushioned leather chairs - Borders bookshop in Muscat City Centre is the place to go to educate, inspire and entertain oneself for hours......and you don't even need to open a book to find hilarity!

Quite simply: Fantastic!

Here We Go Again!...

It is July in Oman and the silly season has begun again in earnest.
Vacations, leave of absence, "unofficial breaks", problems at home, funerals, births, weddings.....all on the increase as per the time of the year.

You want to get something done within the next ten days - forget it.
Work in a government department and want it all done this week........errrrr: not happening, boss!

July: Vacations, religious holiday, Rennaisance Day, more leave, days off....

August: Preparation for Rammers, a quick block of leave, then the start of the fast....
(I will leave talking about the massive slow down at work and the murderous sin of driving a car in a hunger and fatigue induced stupor while racing to get home for Iftar, for later.)

September: EID! Yaaaaaaay! Another week off and then a week's leave to recover from leave, then talk about what you did during Eid and then chat about your vacation afterwards and then.......

October: MORE DAYS OFF! Wooo Hooooo!!!!!

November: Armed Force's Day! YES!.....and HM's birthday!.....side by side days off! Oh, forget it, just write off the whole week!

December: OK folks....time to start preparing for the three-month productivity season!

I love it here! - Bring it on, folks!