Muscat Jet Driver

Archive Now Available

2012-01-06T22:48:00.002+04:00

Due to numerous requests (via some very ingenious methods of contact) the archive postings of my blog are now available for reading.

Best Regards

Muscat Jet Driver

Thank You...

2011-12-22T15:38:00.000+04:00

This blog and it's author have lost their way somewhat, over the past six months or so.
When it gets to that point, we have to weigh up the pros and cons of continuing something like this, and having done so, I have decided that it is time to close this blog down.

Thank you all for your readership, patience and input over the past three years.

With best regards

Muscat Jet Driver

Sweet Infestation

2011-12-07T10:01:00.001+04:00

Amusing, or maybe sadly a classic example of the "I couldn't be arsed to do any quality control on this." attitude within the region.

Sigh!

Epic Fail...

2011-11-26T13:14:00.001+04:00

While I understand the goodness involved in getting out there and walking around in the name of beating a disease......I could not help but smile when I saw this, as part of a very large group of soldiers in the battle against diabetes, came with their spouses and kids for a burger, fries and ice-cream fuelled extravaganza!

Time to put my helmet on, I suppose.

JD

Happy Birthday!...to me.

2011-11-04T21:21:00.000+04:00

The Jet Driver blog turned a whopping three years old last week.

Thank you all so very much for your comments, your quotes and your feedback throughout this time.
Without you, this is not a blog - it's just a mad-man having a rant in the desert!

JD

Journalists in Muscat

2011-10-27T21:56:00.002+04:00

My loyal and valued readers.

I have been perusing those bastions of the free-press "The Week" and "Y!" magazine over the past fortnight, and while the sensational scoops contained within are of incontrovertible benefit to this ginormous conurbation, I wanted to particularly laud the indubitably staggering thesaurus skills of our sub-continental newshounds.

That is why, without further ado, I am naming Saturday, 29th of October "International Write Like An Indian Journalist Day".

So let's waylay our readers with a plethora of Webster-sourced vocabulary. Who knows, maybe we will uncover a glut of penmen to further add to the existing hoard of wordsmiths downtown.

Oman Space Program Part 3

2011-10-18T14:13:00.002+04:00

Since its inception two years ago, the Omani Space Program has suffered numerous setbacks. The early demise of Baisa Bus One and a training accident in Al Khoudh which literally brought the program to its knees, has resulted in very damaging press for section head Nasser Bin Tumoon and chief engineer George Alexander Gupta ('from Kerala, sir') and ultimately for the Omani Space Program on the whole.

Numerous investment prospects from both the public and private sector have all but dried up in the wake of the incidents from last year, but a glimmer of funding hope has emerged, with a new joint venture.
The Oman Space Program has teamed up local businessman Ahmed Al Shady to give entrepreneurs a chance to hedge their investment bets: by furnishing them a chance to buy their very own planet.

Oman Solar Systems is now open for business, selling a whole range of intergalactic property investment opportunities including small asteroids, m-class planets, stars and, for the more affluent, entire galaxies.

With the money gleaned from planetary sales, the company will then provide transport using exploration ships, piloted by space-cadets from the beleaguered Omani program.

The main investments for sale, however, are plans for a new five-thousand apartment and villa complex with eight golf-courses, twenty-two hotels and ninety restaurants called Blue Planet.

They tell me that it is going to be like nothing the universe has ever seen, so you had better get your checkbooks out now!

What The Cluck?

2011-10-17T21:57:00.001+04:00

(Edited with thanks to a creative comment! - JD)

CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS

Living On The Edge At Qurum City Centre

2011-10-11T11:02:00.001+04:00

I stopped into the ever entertaining Qurum City Centre for a burger a while back, and while I was there, a few families were getting together in the food court for what appeared to be a children's party of some sort.

When I took the following photo, I noticed that I held no surprise or dismay at all - just a resignation that stuff like this always seems to happen in Oman: and that, my friends, is nothing short of just sad.

Someone in that building decided that it was ok to send two workers onto a glass roof to sweep it down. And while you may tell me that they were safe to walk on the concrete plinths, the second photo shows that they were not even attempting to do that.

A slip or a fall could cause untold injuries to the workers and the patrons below, as even reinforced glass can fail. Doing this type of stuff during the day is simply inexcusable. The whole process could be done at night while cordoning off the zone below.
I would expect this type of safety attitude from a construction company in Al Hail, but a centre charging thousands of rials a day in rent and inviting the general public to come inside? That's just inexcusable! Is there a safety manager in the building? If not, why not?

By the way....where are their safety harnesses and helmets? Are workers at City Centre supplied with them? As I said before, if the glass does happen to fail, the fall from there would be fatal.

I Don't Know About This....

2011-10-06T09:04:00.000+04:00

Undercover Dragon has recently blogged about the new transparent selection of students who will be able to go abroad for scholarships.
It set me thinking about whether or not this is a good idea and what, if any, are the motivations of doing it.

Is there a certain element of a pending 'I told you so' from the movers and shakers at Diwan level? There is no doubt that His Majesty is exceptionally wise in these affairs.
Have a ponder on this...

If you take the general opinion of the quality of Omani middle and high-school students and you run it in tandem with Linoleum Surfer's article about Omani youth that he wrote a few weeks ago, there is a window into the potential downside to sending 'unconnected' kids overseas.

My preference is to maintain the status quo and send the wastafarians to university and here is why.
The privileged kids in Oman have always been that way, have always had the best of education and are used to being in an environment where you have to work. There is no way that an English, Australian or German college is going to accept low levels of work and by default these kids have grown up in an international culture where they learn about the financial merits of hard work.

On the other hand, Ahmed Al Mawalah has grown up in a school system that has shown him that it doesn't matter if he passes or fails, and average is fine anyway.
It is too late for Ahmed, as he's already been hard-wired since the age of five to not give a toss about school.

The solution might be to send younger kids to top-end primary schools to first of all develop that "good teachers + hard work = success" equation, rather than trying to change the attitude of older kids that are already well established on the mediocrity curve.

The following passage by mountaineer Mark Twight is still sounding in my head four weeks after reading it:

The inverse of going to Chamonix – where powerful people pushed me to become more powerful myself – is staying in (insert hometown here) with those who don't do anything. I cannot progress and grow and become by starting from "below" – one does not rise much above the mean level around him. Worse, if I come back here and I arrive strong and proud and free after having been transformed in another place, I'll descend to the mean level around me sooner or later. Perhaps I’ll experience a short period of minor notoriety among people who don't matter because they aren't my peers but I’ll weaken just the same. A man becomes what is common around him.

One role-models what he sees daily and if it's shit he sees it is shit he becomes; unless he is really strong and I'm not. I would spend just enough energy to be a little bit better – but insufficient to open the gates to real power. This is why the elite strive to remain so, why they form clubs to exclude, and write stringent laws regarding the qualities of club members: they want those around them to be like them, not weaker. They want their efforts among the strong to breed more strength. Strength is contagious. Weakness too infects. Those who insist a zero counts for something give the zero value by doing so. The elite don't want their attitude and imperative polluted by zeroes.

Of course, you can stagnate anywhere at any time.

Just a thought.

A Hot & Cold Affair at Burger King

2011-10-05T22:50:00.000+04:00

A few weeks ago, Andy Brown, an amateur restaurant critic and high-ranking member of the Oman God Squad, posted an article about Burger King advertising their new chocolate soufflé dessert.

Up for debate were the reasons for why they chose to put the eyes of a girl with the phrase 'A Hot & Cold Affair'. A few days on and we are still none the wiser.
However, what is undeniably definite, from personal experience, is the fact that this latest after-dinner offering from BK is.... shite!

Very difficult to describe what this thing actually is, or even what it tastes like.
It is basically a lump of super-heated chocolate-flavored mattress foam, covered in what used to be ice-cream but is now just a puddle of gloop.
(Hint: this is what happens when you put a small dollop of ice-cream onto a piping hot piece of bed stuffing.)

As you can see from the photo - it ain't nothing like what is on the poster.
But then again, with fast-food chains over here, is it ever any different?
Do any of you remember this?

Another Hamster Wheel In The Making

2011-10-03T14:12:00.003+04:00

Well, I said it before, and it would appear that my words are starting to hold true again.
A few years ago, I wrote a blog about what has now become affectionately known as the Shatti Hamster Wheel.

A place where there are lots of westerners and not-so-westerners in clothes that do not consist of a black curtain ensemble, is always going to attract the usual sexually-oppressed teen boys, even though they have no financial means of affording the girl sitting there holding the Starbucks Frappolatté!

So the only release from the pressures of a swollen wang for these poor souls was to drive around in a circle passing Jawharat Al Shatti and Sarooj: with a group of six chipping in a rial each to buy petrol for the car.
Multiply the above scenario by three hundred and you get a kilometre long 'Bombay carbonfibre' road-monster which moves at 20 kph.

Looking at the geography of Muscat, it is not difficult to find out where this monster was spawned: Mawaleh.

And it does not take a rocket scientist to work out that if it was possible to move the whole Shatti Circus closer to home, then that would save a ton of fuel and wear and tear on the Mustangs, Corollas and Serions.

They've fantasized about it for years.
The hopes of a new hamster wheel to go round and round on. A place where girls in bikinis drink cappuchinos under parasols and the roads are wide enough for 'modified rims, nigga!"

And finally, their prayers have been answered.
Ladies and gentlemen.....welcome to The Wave!

You can rationalize or even argue to deny it's existence, but the eye does not lie. There is a hamster wheel in the making down at Costas on a Thursday night...and it is getting bigger....and they've even made the route circular for them!

"Ah but there's security booths at the front entrance of my 250,000 rial villa."
Be that as it may, but tell me exactly what is a security guard going to do about stopping a car full of young men who are on their way down to Costas to buy a coffee?
And what about the rumours for the shwarma and other fast-food outlets?

I can see the Indian sales guys at eMax rubbing their little paws together at the thoughts of all those JBL bass cannons that they are going to sell now that the Mawaleh possie don't have to spend so much on gas anymore!
"I love it when ya call me big Poppa".......

That area is PUBLIC ACCESS! They can go wherever they please, and mark my words, in six months time they will be coming in hordes. And they're going to, pardon the pun, drive you nuts...
...assuming you can hear them over the F-16s that are going to be ripping the roof off your villa when the new runway gets built!

"I feel the need! The need......for speed!"

Oh yeeeeeeah!

JD

Reblog: You Ignorant Bastards!

2011-09-26T09:37:00.000+04:00

From blogger extraordinaire, The Linoleum Surfer, comes one of the best blog-posts of 2011.

Click here, read and reflect.

JD

Pay As You Go

2011-08-23T08:54:00.003+04:00

As you know, Jet Driver has an affinity with all things Asian, and having recently been on a business trip to the Philippines, I had the good fortune of being taken for a trip out into the provinces to see some tourists sites.

On one of these days out, I was feeling a little bit under the weather and therefore had the Immodium on standby.
While sitting at a local picnic spot, I spied a big blue sign that said "Clean Comfort Room" (in the Philippines, the WC is known as the CR), and having spent the last few days dropping into holes in the ground, I decided to treat myself.

The following conversation took place (pardon the pun), I shit you not!:

JD: Kumusta ka po?
Madam: Hello sirrrrrrrr. What would you like to do sirrrrrr?

JD: I'm sorry, I don't understand. This is a toilet right? How much is it?
Madam: Pee? Or Poo sirrrrrr?

JD: What?
Madam: Will you pee or poo sirrrrrr? 5 pesos for pee. 12 pesos for poo.

JD: I need to do both, I think, so is that 17 pesos?
Madam: No sir, just 12.

JD: Ahhhh so pee is free if you poo?
Madam: Sirrrrr?

JD: How much can I poo for 12 pesos? Is there a limit to the amount I can drop off?
Madam: Sir, no sirrrrrrr. Not like that sir. Same price sirrrr.

JD: I'm not feeling too well. What happens if I only thought that I wanted to poo and just pee'd instead? Can I get my 7 pesos back?
Madam: Sirrrr?

JD: Can I get a refund if I don't poo?
.....and on it went.

Life is crazy in different ways, in different places.

Exclusive New Taxi Service For The Roman Empire

2011-07-31T13:02:00.000+04:00

It was nice to see that some industrious Omani has begun to advertise his taxi service for the Roman Empire and anyone else associated with Nero or Caesar.

The trouble is that he's about two thousand years behind the eight-ball.
Prizes will be awarded to those of you who can work out this man's phone number.
In all fairness he deserves recognition for the originality and I hope it only brings him good luck.

Will be back soon with more of the usual attacks on the "simple life".
But right now, it's vacation time.
Off to spend the hard earned money that, as my dear friend OMR recently put, I do not deserve!

Until then....... mmmmwah!

JD

Goodbye Qantab Beach?

2011-06-19T07:20:00.000+04:00

It would appear that there are chalk lines down and surveying pins laid at the popular - and very publically used - Qantab Beach.

I had originally thought that they were just going to be paving some road to get better access, however, further enquiries have uncovered plans for two new hotels and a "housing complex".

Two new hotels? For what? To throw further money away into Oman's already extremely low hotel occupancy rate?
What is the occupancy rate at the three hotel mega-complex that is the Shangri-la, clearly seen from Qantab Beach?

What impact are these new hotels going to have on the local population?
Another public beach commandeered by the Ministry of Whatever.
What is this housing complex that has been tagged on? Is it another Barr Al Jissah, millionaire's row type of thing?
Is it a back-hander?
More of the corruption that the local population have been protesting against and have been given promises of it being curbed?

This is by far the best local beach in the Muscat area. Now being taken away from the general public. Not on!

Where are the residents of Qantab and the, literally, hundreds of visitors from Muscat going to go of an evening now?

Shatti Al Qurum? - already full.
Yiti Beach? - nope......that's gone.
Al Sheikh? - errrrr.....no we're building stuff there sorry.

Anyone fancy a 90 minute drive to Bimmah or Fins, because that seems to be the only option at this point!

Omanis - your beautiful local resources are being taken away from you to line the pockets of others.
While I understand the need to develop tourism in the country, I get the feeling that blocking off Qantab and destroying its natural beauty is a step too far.

Any Facebook and Twitter whizzes out there who are ready to set up a web page about this? Would be interesting to see how the public reacts to this as it all seems to have been hushed up - or maybe I am just out of the loop!

This should not be happening!

Rock Bottom Bouncers Assaulting Customers Again!

2011-05-10T07:32:00.000+04:00

It has been brought to my attention that the Rock Bottom management have started racial profiling again on their entrance - something to do with skin color being associated with the amount of money that you have to pay to get in.

Those who object to being segregated and discriminated against because of their ethnic origin or, in some cases, excessive sun-tan, can expect to have their face smashed in by a somewhat disproportionate ratio of about 15 bouncers to 1 customer.

The above actions assume some form of legal immunity from arrest for the staff of Rock Bottom.
One wonders what the deal is. Free entry and drinks for Muscat's finest maybe? Who knows?

You can read more about it here on Muscat Mutterings.

So maybe it is time to have a long hard look at whether or not you want to risk getting a beating during your night out around town.

The bottom line in this blogger's opinion is that there are far better establishments for folks to go and have a burger, a drink and a dance in than the paltry efforts for Ramee Guestline Hotel and the attached after-thought that is Rock Bottom.

Where I come from, places that use excessive force on their patrons get boycotted for better venues.

Maybe the venerable Andy In Oman can get do a night-life review for us.
His restaurant review blogs have changed my social life in Muscat, and I highly recommend you read his blog.

Ciao

This Just About Sums It Up!

2011-03-28T07:44:00.000+04:00

Idiots!

Gulf News latest report on students in Sohar.

In Sohar, colleges were shut with students calling for strike, demanding removal of some faculties as well as lowering of passing grades.

Is this future of Oman?

Now That It Has All Died Down...

2011-03-27T13:31:00.003+04:00

So it has been a rather active few weeks in Oman, what with all the whining and the complaining about this, that and the other.

Someone earlier in the month asked me what my opinions on the protests were.
I replied with the following comment:

"No reason in the world to comment about a bunch of lazy, entitlement-deluded idiots who, while looking for the usual Omani 'easy way out' are doing nothing but adding further damage to an already grossly corrupt and flawed system.

It is endemic. The blame culture meets the handout brigade.

You are doomed."

The emailed responses to the above were the typical drivel that one has come to expect from the regulars. There was, however, the marked absence of my good friend OMR, who has probably run out of internet credit and will need to sell his Yaris to feed his surfing habit.

The damage that has been done to Oman over the past few weeks has been nothing sort of massive.
Of course, with the local mentality of looking no further than an extended hand, it has not fully dawned on them that they've gone and royally fucked things.

As Undercover Dragon very gently put it to you the other day, the numbers just don't add up - you are not living in an oil rich nation.
Add to this a grossly undereducated band of 20 somethings (and don't DARE blame this on the government - you have been given EVERY chance of learning) and you have the shit-fest that is coming very soon.

Just read the placards on some of the protests:
"We want 500 rials a month - and two days off"
This was outside one of the hotels in Muscat.

Sorry. But if you want two days off, then go back to school and get a job that warrants that! You are a hotel worker - you would not be there had you kept your head down in school.....the entitlement mentality here is unreal, as is the naivety!

No real oil wealth: just enough to run the country and give you things like roads and hospitals and schools (hint: which you can use to invest your time in and get a good job).

Dependancy on foreign employment.
"EXPATS OUT!" was another sign, but they failed to write the specifics.
All expats? Or just the ones that have the jobs you want to do?
Getting rid of just the house-workers.....there's your 50,000 jobs right there!
But, ohhhhhhh, you don't want to be sweeping floors and working for another Omani.
Being told what to do? No way!

How many of the local kids would be happy to:
Clean houses
Wash clothes
Wash cars
Clean Toilets
Build villas
Sweep roads
Change tyres
Fill your petrol tank

And don't give me the bullshit "There ARE Omanis doing this!" ok?
There's a handful! And bless them for doing it!

You might notice that this blog post has no real structure to it and apart from the raw information, there is no substance to it either.

Take that as a metaphor!

As I said before.... "You are doomed".
Oil revenue almost gone.
Gas is negligible.
Tourism? Ha! You've wrecked it. The goodwill damage alone will take years to get back.
Back to making clay pots and selling incense.
It is a crying shame what you are doing to this beautiful nation.

Laziness and greed abound!

Is it too late? Who knows!

New ROP Road Safety Tactics

2011-01-30T15:34:00.002+04:00

Nice to see that the ROP have begun plain-clothes operations on the roads here in Muscat.
I'd been wondering for years why there were no undercover road traffic officers driving "normal" cars....it really does make a difference.

Nothing more annoying than watching all the "goody-two-shoes" demonstrations from folks when a blue and white is driving along the motorway, only to watch the same cretins tailgating a few moments later when the "danger" has passed.

Driving on the new expressway has become particularly hazardous as there are still no permanent speed cameras in place, so folks are doing insane types of driving.
One had an altercation with a local driver a while ago who cut across me and two others doing about 160kph and proceeded to slam on and flash the guy in front of me to get out of the way.

When I was lucky enough to come side by side with him at the traffic lights, his bravado outweighed his intelligence and he offered me a discussion at the side of the road which I was more than happy to partake in.
Having already called the ROP before this, he was astonished to find them pull up alongside us as he got out of the car.
Suddenly it was all my fault...I was the bad-guy, doing the dangerous driving and flashing my lights at him.

Ahhhh, but hold on.....Mrs. Jet Driver had wanted to show her family the lovely new motorway with the mountain view - so had video'd the whole incident with her new camera. You've got to love technology.
There he was, in all his High Definition glory!
As you can imagine, he didn't have an answer for that......but the cops did!

Saddest part, and the thing that made me call the police in the first place?
He had his young wife and toddlers in the car with him.

Well done ROP on another leap up the policing progress ladder.
I think it's great!

At The Car-Wash

2011-01-06T22:01:00.000+04:00

After a while sitting parked while I'm away, my wheels can look a bit shabby around the edges, so this evening, after a long few days beating up the skies of Asia, I drove to one of those car-wash places where you can get the inside and outside done for a couple of rials.

Kindly bear that thought in mind for the next time you go there: "It only costs a couple of rials.".

I'm waiting in line for the pressure washer guy. There's a Range Rover Sport in front of me - pearl white with all the trimmings and a wasta registration plate.
Unusually, the guy at the end of the hose was a local chap in what looked like his late teens, ordering around what is left of the post-Omanisation Indians.

The Range Rover goes up on the hydraulic jacks and the guy starts spraying chinks of mud, tar and other crap off of the bottom.
It was hard to see in the dark, but he seemed to lack the gusto of his "sub-ordinates" who were busily cleaning the other vehicles in the line.

He turns off the washer, and awaits inspection from the driver.
Typical Range Rover type, with the pressed dishdasha, the big ring and the attitude to match.
Lots of finger-clicking and general nit-picking about little marks on the car, with this-and-that not being perfect enough.

"You clean engine." is what came next, so up came the hood and the kid starts washing and waving the hose around for a while, still with no real commitment - just going through the motions. (Work went on around him at the other cars.)

Second inspection.
More pointing at the engine and then his attention goes to beneath the car again.
Clearly not clean enough for this man.
We can't be seen parked on the pedestrian ramp outside Starbucks at Shatti with a dirty underside now can we?

A few rude upward waves of his hand and he walks away. "You clean again better."

Back to that thought again: "It only costs a few rials."
Seriously. This is just a quick wash station, operated by a guy who just couldn't give a toss about you. It's a local....being told what to do by a local....and that appears to not go down well for some.

If you want a full showroom valet you will need to take your precious compensation device to Ziebart.

So the guy with the hose then does something that all happened for me in slow motion.
He raises the Range Rover up on the hydraulic platform again….
….but the hood is still up!

And the hood is higher than the roof of the jeep, and starts to fold to accommodate the ceiling.

Awesome sound, then the head turning left and right to see where the odd din is coming from, then the change in facial expression when it finally dawns on this guy that it might have been better to just leave this to the Indians!

Management dishdashas had arrived by the time I stopped crying with laughter.
They had a copy of their Terms & Conditions with them! "You can't blame us!"
I guess it was going to be a long night.

The End Of The Year

2010-12-28T23:55:00.001+04:00

Grand few showers of rain coming in over the past few days.
Kind of a symbolic washing away of the old and leaving things all shiny and new for 2011.

I wonder what the new year will bring.
Plenty of stories from the Omani blogosphere as more and more people begin to get a voice and talk about all that is good, and bad in the country and beyond.

New blogger Misadventures in HR has well and truly made her mark as one of the finest and funniest blogs to come out of 2010, and I am seriously looking forward to her continued posting and comments from Sand Land.

Thank you also to everyone who sent their emails of well-wishing and support, and an even bigger thank you to the nitwits and numpties who emailed all the abuse and left all those fine comments on the last post that I made, some being stand-alone proof positive of most of the observations I make here.

For the Reuters wannabe who told the world that I got fired......well, I didn't. I left.
Someone called my bluff on a salary request, so (to borrow a word from a famous blogger), I went off and got more treasure elsewhere.

But I'm sure my dear petri-dish specimen of all that is wrong with Oman, OMR, will be highly shocked to hear that contrary to his opinion that the likes of myself and Undercover Dragon are not needed over here in Muscat, the phone actually did ring when I got back, and the pleading and the fawning began......and now that suitable amounts of treasure have been agreed....I'm back.

I'm so looking forward to sharing my continuing experiences with you all.

Mmmmmmmmmmwah!

Don't Bite The Hand That Feeds You.

2010-11-28T06:41:00.007+04:00

I've been reading with amusement the comments in The Week magazine that were made in response to a recent Letter to the Editor by an expat called "Sara" in relation to expat involvement in the development of Oman.

All the usual bullshit quotes in response, but my favorites include:

"Appreciate what we have given you." "Look at the lifestyle that we give to you." and "Don't bite the hand that feeds you!"

Now, it doesn't take a genius to work out that the higher level Omanis, ie the sharper ones in the pile already understand the sentiment behind the above woman's gripe.

But for the surplus, allow me to share some home truths with you in relation to the global picture and where Oman is in relation to it.

First of all - using "we" in your comments is just another chunk of evidence in the local delusion that you are actually paying us.

You're a citizen of Oman, not its paymaster. And if the truth be known, you are more of a drain on the economy each month then we are.

Subsidized water and electricity, throwing your shit out the window of your car for the Indians to pick up, running up massive debt and defaulting the loans, constant hand-out seeking, begrudging those who actually put in a full day's work and doing so by sitting there doing fuck all, apart from running interference and trying to pin the delays on us.
Childish, playground mentality in a feeble attempt to make yourself look important, when you're still incapable of telling me what your job description is or your responsibilities are.

Here's a reality check for "Look at the lifestyle that WE give to you."

Oman is a nice place. It's not great. It's just nice.

The weather for about eight months of the year is crap.

It takes forever to get things done.

There's more than the average amount of ineptness and incompetence.

Corruption is on the rise and it hampers most day-to-day operations.

And, back to "Don't bite the hand that feeds you!" - it may surprise you to know that most of us did not ask to come here.

You do not feed us through charity. You feed us through need.

You asked and in some cases begged us to come here to instigate, develop or fix situations that you either wanted to happen or found yourselves in.

Listen: behind most successful groups of dishdashas posing in the Oman Times for the job-well-done, there is a team of expats in the shadows, who do the actual work, who fight the fat, dumb and happy attitude of most local chair-warmers in management.

Go ahead and keep quoting the same old crap about how lucky we are, and how grateful we should be. It only serves to show the rest of us how naive and undereducated you are in relation to how your country actually runs.

There are far nicer places for expats to be.
And as has been quoted before, the majority of expats who move on do so looking back with frustration and annoyance at how great things could be here if it wasn't for the corruption above, the penny-pinching and far from quality delivery in the middle to the rip-off merchant man in the street who thinks that HM owes him everything and all he has to do is put his hand out.

You are in for a rude awakening very soon, becuase you will have to start getting out of the trucks and cleaning up your own mess, sweep your own streets and clean your own toilets, as the infrastructure gets finished off, the Indians and Pakistanis move off to another "developing" nation, maids finally have enough and shift to the new countries where they are treated with respect and don't have to fear for their dignity or safety - places like the US, Canada and the UK - there are great opportunities for them over there and we pay good money - a fair wage for a job well done.

And guess what? We are using the money that "you" paid us to do it.

The tribal disharmony will only start increasing when this happens, because like it or not, there has always been a pecking order.....I wonder how it will all pan out?
Al Balushi, Al Kiyumi, Al Hinai, Al Riyami, Al Zadjali, Al Kindi - who gets to do what job?

It will be interesting to watch from the other side of the world, where the sun shines tolerably, and there is no restriction on what I can do or say.
Leaving was the best move I ever made.......and I even get paid more!

"Bu..bu....bu.....but how? I thought WE paid the highest salaries in the world, and that you couldn't survive without us!"

Wake up!

I'm Back!......Or Am I?

2010-09-27T21:39:00.003+04:00

Well look what we have here!

I turn my back for a few weeks of hard-earned treasure spending during Ramadan and Eid, and have now come back to see that my good friend Undercover Dragon has left for pastures new.

It is indeed sad to lose such a witty and thought-provoking accomplice of the blogosphere, however, as he put so well, the world is trying to rebuild itself after the financial fuck-ups of the past 18 months and the major movers and shakers are being very aggressively head-hunted for new positions within the global recovery.

Oman simply does not cut it anymore for most of us, from a financial perspective.

And while many of my local readers correctly remind me that we are only here to suck up the money available - we DO actually leave a lot behind in terms of experience and value to you as a nation.

Seriously....most of you don't know your arse from your elbow when it comes to business and general how-to-run-things.

From the muppet serving me in the Shell Select, to the one in the office who needs a perpetual training seminar on how to use the photocopier.....the reality is that YOU NEED US....and you will do for a long time.

The alternative is a nation full of head-scratchers and blamers who will eat themselves alive from within.

So to those who have been attacking expats in general - just shut up and let us get on with helping you to build a proper functional place to grow and provide for your children.

Maybe take stock and LISTEN to what we say. LEARN from us. That way.....we will eventually move on and you will have a place of continuing prosperity and functionality - instead of the cadge as cadge can, queue-jumping, false sense of entitlement, that you so sickeningly demonstrate now.

This is Jet Driver's last post on this blog, as like so many others who have gone before me, I have grown tired of making efforts for folks who just don't give a damn about themselves or their country.

The money is no longer enough. I have a better offer. I'm gone. See ya!

Once Again, Money Wins Out Over Privacy

2010-08-07T21:15:00.005+04:00

It appears that due to the potential for a lucrative market, RIM have rolled over on the possible BlackBerry ban by allowing a server to be installed in Saudi where in the interests of 'national security' the authorities can snoop into your private life at their leisure.

You can read all about it here.....as I couldn't be arsed to write any more about it.

Saudi / UAE Blackberry update

2010-08-04T06:00:00.002+04:00

Well, in the usual spirit of "thinking without thinking" Saudi has accelerated its plans and will be banning the Blackberry Messenger Service on Friday.

You can read about it here.

With the amount of Blackberry's in the Middle East being so small, I am hoping that RIM will just walk away from this - viewing the situation with such words as: "moronic", "backward" and "inept".

The UAE Takes Another Evolutionary Leap Forward...

2010-08-01T12:52:00.004+04:00

...by permanently blocking Blackberry services in the interests of "national security".

They really are the benchmark for the region.

As Muscat Confidential says: "Best Avoided."

You can read all about it here:

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates – The United Arab Emirates says it plans to block some messaging and web services on BlackBerry smart phones beginning in October.
The country's telecommunications regulator said in a statement carried on state news agency WAM it is suspending services of messenger, e-mail and web browsing services.
The regulator says it made the decision after failing to bring the gadget's services in line with local laws.
UAE authorities said last week BlackBerry services could pose a threat to national security.
A spokeswoman for BlackBerry maker Research in Motion said the company had no immediate comment.

I have no words to describe stuff like this!

Paranoia doused with a heavy sprinkle of more paranoia.

Recently trying to place spyware on everyone's Blackberry, masked as an "update" from Etisalat.

Lies....pure and utter lies.

"The Business Centre of the Middle East" - don't make me laugh!

The sooner it all comes crashing down around them, the better.

They've Started Building...

2010-08-01T07:27:00.005+04:00

I had to stop into Carrefour at City Centre yesterday while on my way to the airport.

The Indians are in full building mode, as the Middle East's commercial retail giant's version of Christmas kicks off.

Yes folks, Ramadan is almost upon us.

Walk into the French superstore and you will see that construction has begun on Vimto Towers and the equally high monolith that is made from Foster Clark's Powdered Orange Drink.

Looking like the entry to the monuments at Petra, there is a 20 foot high wall of cake mix on one side, and Mount Creme Caramel on the other.

The signs are also beginning to go up.

"Ramadan Kareem!"

"Carrefour is your best friend during Ramadan!"

"Look! Over here! Buy this!"

"Spend your money here!"

and my own special favourite:

"Now's your chance to be an even bigger prat.....by winning your own Lexus!"

So let's have a look at the average shopping list for the festive season:

80 bottles of Vimto

20 tins of Foster Clark's in Orange, Mango and Pineapple

140 Creme Caramels

200 litres of Strawberry and Chocolate Milk

100 kg of Halwa

1 ton of Rice

1 ton of frozen beef

1 ton of frozen chicken

30 bags of samosa spices

30 boxes of flour

2 tons of batter mix

1000 litres of cooking oil

1 mountain of pasta shells

Half a ton of couscous

Sweets and Chocolate - as much as will go into a trolley.

Cakes - to fill another trolley

A rainforest's worth of paper plates and cups.

3 miles of plastic floor sheeting.

and whatever else can be stuffed into the gaps in the Land Cruiser.

The plus side to all of this consumption and spending, is that through typical Omani hospitality, I will be spending some amazing nights with my local hosts for their truly incredible Iftar meals.

I ate so much food at the last one, that I had to lie on the floor for an hour before I could get up to drive home!

Cutlets, fish kibba and samosas with coconut sauce.......I could eat those forever!

Then of course there is chicken or goat mandhi.....delicious!

Um Ali .....you HAVE to try it!

Omani Halwa.....nyum nyums!

Have fun! And if you get invited to an Iftar meal.....accept! You will be very happy that you did!

See You After Eid!

2010-07-26T14:45:00.005+04:00

It's time to kick off my shoes and enjoy the fruits of my labour.

See you when the dust settles in September!

The Great Omani Wedding Vote

2010-06-30T18:20:00.001+04:00

The hugely popular blogger Omani Princess has set up a reader's poll for your views on mixed marriages in Oman.

The great thing about the internet is that it has a wonderful way of exposing draconian rules and regulations - especially around things like this....

Click here to cast your vote!

The Annual Slowdown Begins

2010-06-24T21:29:00.005+04:00

Here comes the last week in June!

Time for everyone in Government Land to start getting ready for their summer vacations.

Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Paris, London and Zanzibar are the hotspots for this year.

Nothing of any significance is getting done between now and January.

Vacations will blend seamlessly into Ramadan, then spill over into Eid Part 1, National Day, Eid Part 2 and New Years!

The 2010 productivity drive is now officially over - and we can all rest and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.

Anyone who has been in Oman for less than a year is now about to embark on the New Expat pilgrimage of: "Hammering on unanswered Ministry doors for hours in a futile attempt to get your paperwork sorted out."

Some of you will be blessed with being temporarily relieved of your stress, and having your hopes built up, by being told that the solution to your problem is just down the highway at the other Ministry, only to then to have those hopes dashed by being told that the only person on the planet who can sign and stamp your 'whatever' will be back in Oman "soon insha'allah".

Now..... where's my holiday brochures?

New Weekly Section...

2010-06-23T07:00:00.002+04:00

Hello my darlings!

What a busy few weeks it has been, between ensuring safety for the flying public and moving some very very important people from A to Cairo and back again ;)

I would like to introduce a new section of the blog which I hope to conduct on a weekly basis and will be doing so with the help of my loyal readers.

The section is called:

"It's all about ME!"

After pondering the fact that there is virtually no accountability for people seemingly being allowed to do whatever they want on the roads, or by the side of the road, or in City Centre....I have decided that "naming and shaming" is the order of the day.

So if you see a moron who has stopped in the middle of the street and gotten out his car to use the ATM.

Or a fat waste of space who beeps his horn outside the hardware store because he was too fucking lazy to get out and buy a bag of nails (same for the ones who do it outside the local convenience store.)

And you can also include the impatient, more important than you, queue jumpers and crowd shovers too.

Get your camera - shove it in their fat lazy uncaring gob - take a photo and say:

"Congratulations! You're about to become a worldwide star of the Internet"

Then send it off, with your story to muscat.jetdriver AT googlemail DOT com

and if it looks like a runner and brings a smile to my oh so cynical face - I'll blog it!

Have a nice weekend y'all!

Egypt Shows New Levels Of Lunacy

2010-06-06T11:34:00.004+04:00

We all know in how much high esteem Egypt is held in the Arab world.

(All the coffee-shop jokes seem to involve Egyptians.)

I always thought this might have been slightly unfair....however....

The BBC News website has run a very amusing, but nonetheless jaw-dropping article about the courts in Cairo.

This will no doubt boost Egypt's standing amongst other the usual radical morons, but, for the rest of the world, it just makes them look as thick as the average GCC coffee drinker believes them to be.

It basically falls into the realms of:

If you are an Egyptian man and have married an Israeli woman.....well, you know the way that was ok last week?..... now you could be losing your citizenship.

All thanks to super-intelligent and cutting-edge modern lawyer Nabih Al Wahsh - who has taken up this quest in order to protect Egyptian youth and of course, Egyptian National Security.

The courts have upheld the request to have this made into law.

Inept, radical, over-compensating idiots!

Cyclone Phet Update

2010-06-04T18:39:00.002+04:00

It's now starting to kick off, and I don't mean the weather.

There's cars going up the back of each other on the highway.

There's panic buying in Carrefour. The Sultan Centre is a free-for-all.

The roads along the back of MAM Camp as slowly disintegrating, and the conduits for the dams at the big wadi runs are jammed full of debris, thus paving the way for chunks of dam to start coming down the wadis soon, as saturation levels get critical.

Time to lock down with the portable gennies and the gas bottles.

See you on the other side!

Inept

2010-06-02T21:37:00.004+04:00

Click here to see the latest from the Oman Met Office

The Weather

2010-06-02T09:07:00.007+04:00

There's a tropical storm building off the coast of Oman at the moment.

Predictive weather analysis says that it will increase in intensity to a cyclone within the next 24 hours.

I have been reading on the local forums that "there is nothing to worry about"...... this is not exactly true for now, as no-one really knows what this thing is going to do - but I would not advise people on going into panic-mode - maybe just prepare a little more.

It is behaving very similarly to the track of Gonu which is almost three years to the day.

Back then it was unclear as to which way the track was going to swing.

Some units are predicting a swing North East to Pakistan - but others, have predicted a run up along the coast as far as Muscat.

Update: since 0800Z CLICK HERE TO SEE SATELLITE IMAGE

As I said - no-one really has a clue. Best guess is to prepare for rain and maybe have a few spare rolls of duct tape and some extra supplies in to be on the safe side.

One trusts the Omani Government to do a good job like last time should it all start to get messy - but I for one am hoping that we are not all inconvenienced and burdened like last time.

Fusion Logic Apple "Dealer" in Qurum

2010-05-30T12:56:00.002+04:00

I had a rant about Matthew and Sreeni at Fusion Logic a couple of years ago and have decided to blog again about it after other individuals had contacted me in relation to how these cowboys are operating.

Over the past year, I have had numerous conversations with people who have bought Macbook, iMacs, and Mac Pro units from Fusion Logic - only to find them crashing after a few months.

There is no problem in getting those Macs repaired when you are based in Muscat and are bringing the product back to the Fusion Logic store.

However, the main issue is those people who have bought a Mac from Matthew, and have moved out of Muscat, only to find that when it breaks, they are not covered under the Apple warranty because some of the hardware in their freshly boxed Mac is not what was originally placed into it by Apple!

I would be interested in finding out if anyone else has had any issues with the authenticity of the parts within their Mac.

As I have stated in the past, I found Matthew to be extremely unscrupulous in the past - and even went into his store one day to ask about certain Mac products which I am very familiar with - but he just lied through his teeth about what the machine was and was not capable of, and tried to sell me a top end Mac Pro to do a job that a basic iMac was well capable of doing.

A few months later I went back to get a quote for a hard disk - which he quoted me 120 rials for because it was a genuine Apple replacement.

He then proceeded to phone "the stock department" (his mate in Ruwi) and get a quote for a bog standard Hitachi drive for 30 rats.

Unfortunately for him, I know my Hindi numbers - and there was no room for him to backtrack when I questioned him about it.

This is so far beyond the Apple Computer Company philosophy!

Without further ado, I shall be reporting Fusion Logic to Apple in California for possible breaches of customer confidence.

It may very well be that the company itself is above board, but with Matthew and Sreeni (the bootleg software pusher) at the helm - they are purely bullshitting customers and lining their own pockets - while at the same time, driving the company into the ground.

A Message For The "Mentally Challenged"

2010-05-30T07:26:00.007+04:00

Since my show of support for the folks over at The Muscat Queer Theory there's been a couple of comments and a few emails from the following:

1. People Who Are Uneducated

2. People Who Are Bigoted

3. People Who Are Both

Since so many of you are itching to know my views on this, here they are.

We are all born gay and straight - all at once.

"What?", "No!", "How dare you!" "May God strike you down!" - well, guess what.....he hasn't!

The truth is that we are.

There's potential for people to walk down one path, or another - or even retrace their steps on a regular basis and try both.

That, my dear readers is the reality of this world.

Some of you may think that the above is sick.

Some of the zealots among you, think it is even worth oppressing, jailing and in some cases killing someone over.

I am heterosexual. I love girls (and have a particular penchant for Asians) - I always have and always will.

The thoughts of sleeping with a member of the same sex does not appeal to me.

It never has.

However, for some people, it does.

And for others who are bisexual, they feel that they get the best of both worlds - and in their model of the world, they do.

But I do not label them sick, or weird, or worthy of punishment - and those of you who either email or comment to me with your misguided drivel about what you would like to do to these "vermin" "Infidels" or "sinners" need to take a serious look at yourselves.

A good quote I have read about the issue is from a very unlikely source - Billy Joe Armstrong from the rock-group Green Day.

He says:

"I think I've always been bisexual. I mean, it's something that I've always been interested in. I think people are born bisexual, and it's just that our parents and society kind of veer us off into this feeling of 'Oh, I can't.' They say it's taboo. It's ingrained in our heads that it's bad, when it's not bad at all. It's a very beautiful thing."

I'll eagerly await the landslide of abuse from the morons - but would also appreciate comments from the smart people too!

Highly Recommended

2010-05-26T10:24:00.008+04:00

This is powerful. Watch it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-8PBx7isoM

I'm going to stick my neck out and say that the cast of this were all professional dancers, as to capture both movement and facial expressions take great skill.

This should be up for all sorts of awards and recognitions. It's a truly excellent piece of work.

(A similar one for here would really work, as I think the format is acceptable and would appeal to Omani family values)

Ideas Above Your Station...

2010-05-23T11:36:00.013+04:00

The scene unfolded like this:

I'm sitting in the lounge.

It's quiet - as an airline lounge should be….. if I wanted noise and raucousness, I would travel Economy.

The chap sitting across from me is on the phone - talking with his wife. His father had died the day before and he was on his way home to the UK for the funeral.

The woman beside me was inbound to Frankfurt and all was

not going smoothly for her due to delays.

It was getting late, and the majority of folks were resting: some dozing in their couches.

For me, it had been irksome getting through the bedlam that is rush-hour traffic in a major Asian metropolis - and so the calm air of the environment and a brandy was a welcome respite.

Until the door swung open….

He was a bald-headed, rotund individual - noisily out of breath and sweating like unfit, stagnating fat men do.

He paused - looked around, and at the top of his voice bellowed:

"Is this a Business Class Lounge or a Doctor's Surgery?"

"What's going on here?"

"You look like you're all waiting to die?"

"I say again….is this a Doctor's Surgery?"

I rolled my eyes and went back to my book.

He picked up on it.

"Oh, I'm sorry…….did I upset you? Wanker!"

"Nobody rolls their eyes at me, boy!"

"Wankerrrrrrrrrr!"

I stayed put, waiting to see what would happen.

Words are annoying at times, but one can only justify a punch in the face when one is actually touched…..sadly - this was not to be.

"Can I see your boarding card please, sir!" said the lounge attendant.

"Oh don't worry….I'm not staying….I wouldn't stay here! I don't know why I even pay for shit like this…..I'm going!"

….and off he wobbled.

I passed him in Business as I walked through the cabin, however, he was oblivious to me because he was abusing a member of cabin crew about the "state of this plane".

"Where's my water?" "For fucksake!"

I continued on up to First and settled in with a magazine and some champagne, waiting for takeoff.

He behaved that way throughout the whole flight.

Cursing.

Abusing.

Moaning - before eventually nodding off, much to the relief of both the cabin-crew and the poor soul who had the utter misfortune of sitting next to him.

It turns out that despite all the smart-arse, super-important man shit that he spewed out, this moron was an Economy Class flyer who had been given a complimentary upgrade to Business, allowed it to go to his head and thought, "Here is an opportunity to make people feel small because I have been temporarily relieved of my own inadequacies." - but had no clue of how to conduct himself like a gentleman deserving of the privilege.

Here's the lesson of the day:

Never piss-off cabin crew, and never piss-off a member of the pilot fraternity, because we're all very closely knit - and we can make your flying life a living hell next time you come within a donkey's roar of an airport.

So… Mr. Michael Beckwith…

Congratulations! - you're now an international superstar on the aircrew "shit-list".

Not a good place to be!

We all know who you are, where you go and what seat you're sitting in!

Gays In Oman

2010-05-14T21:45:00.002+04:00

Hello darlings!

Jet Driver has been up to his eye-balls in work for the past few weeks.

I will be blogging again in a few days.

In the meantime, why not pop over to our friends at Community Queer.

They are doing a great job of opening up the gay and lesbian community in Oman and are looking for guest contributors.

The lid won't be kept on this for long, so why not be one of the first to say what's on your mind!

See you soon!

Dumping Hazardous Waste

2010-04-23T15:43:00.005+04:00

As some of you know, the Jet Driver likes to spend a lot of time outdoors.

Oman's beautiful mountains and unexplored trails are some of the main reasons why I have stayed in this country for so long.

The place is simply stunning and one has no problem understanding why more and more people want to come and see this great land and meet its amazing inhabitants.

I use Google Earth quite a lot to scope out new trekking and biking routes in the region, and a few days ago, I selected an area where I thought I could find a decent trail to explore.

I found a new track just beyond Al Jiffnain village, and was curious as to what the 30 metre-long dark area was on the trail, and hoping it was some kind of old building or maybe a ruin of some sort, I biked out onto the trail with a friend.

At first, we had to negotiate a fairly dusty trail with a rock crusher that was going at full pelt, grinding out whatever was being thrown into it.

Then the trail cleared up into nice rolling hills - perfect for a challenging but not overly emotional bike ride.

Then the smell arrived. And we wondered what on earth had died there.

We have experienced the smell in the past when a goat or a fox has met its demise in a wadi, but this smell was incredible.

Noxious, acrid and after about two minutes of inhaling it - eye-wateringly nauseating.

We came over the ridge and were utterly astonished to find…. this:

An area had been leveled to make it flat, like a giant truck park.

Then someone had bulldozed an absolutely huge trench and filled it full of waste oil, sewage, rubbish, animal remains, plastic and chemicals.

There is also piles of rotten industrial waste neatly stacked all along the clearing, which we could not photograph because we risked getting seriously ill being in proximity to them.

The smell was insane!

And we were quite honestly overwhelmed by the damage that this cesspit is doing to the area.

As you can see from the photos below, it has already begun to seep into the water table.

This was not an accidental depositing of hazardous industrial waste.

A group of individuals sat down in a board-room and had a meeting about this, and either through having no education, or more likely, a complete lack of care for the environment, regulations and the health of the local population, decided that it would be acceptable to just dump this stuff here and systematically destroy a beautiful area of land in Oman.

Now. I have questions.

I want to know:

Who is responsible for this?

Was it the owner of the rock crusher?

Was it one of the quarrying companies that are digging around there?

Who were the decision-makers on the ground at the time?

Who sponsors this company's activities?

Was there an Environmental Impact Assessment done?

What were the pre and post EIA reports?

If an EIA was not done, then why not?

Do the local people know that their land is being polluted by hazardous waste?

Are local people drinking water off the land here?

Are they giving this water to their children?

This area is accessible by 4x4 and even by normal vehicles.

I urge anyone with an element of clout to go up there and have a look at what it going on.

Which Ministry looks after stuff like this?

The pool of waste is so big that it even shows up on a satellite map.

For those who are interested, here is the grid reference.

23°29'27.89"N 58° 8'56.80"E

Bang it into Google Earth and have a look.

It is a total and utter criminal disgrace.

Pass this on to everyone you know.

Omanis……. your country is slowly but surely getting wrecked by a small group of wealth-hungry people who want nothing more than to make money off the back of you.

Destroying your beautiful land in order to get rich and they think that dumping hazardous industrial waste off the beaten track will not be found out.

Well, guess what?

There are more and more expats who love exploring deep inside the jebels where locals tend not to go.

I am one of those explorers….and now that I know what these things look like on Google Earth, I'm off to start looking for more.

The Jet Driver is on a mission!

Qatar....

2010-04-19T18:19:00.002+04:00

Absolute fucking madness!

British and American citizens will be among the nationals of 33 countries that will have to apply for a visa prior to arrival in Qatar, according to new rules being enacted by the emirate from May 1.

The regulations also mean that all passengers wishing to travel to Qatar for business purposes will need to have their visas arranged by a local sponsor, via the Ministry of Interior.

British nationals wishing to apply for a Qatari visa will need to provide their last three months’ bank statements, which must show the name and address of the applicant, and prove that there is at least $1,300 in the applicant’s account.

I say again......madness!

Spiteful, arrogant, ignorant, ill-informed, uneducated, moronic madness!

WH Smith is now in Oman

2010-04-17T22:17:00.004+04:00

Was just reading Muscat Mutterings blog here about WH Smith's opening up where Turtle's Bookshop used to be in Shatti.

They have also converted all the Turtle's branches in the airport too.

However, a word of caution..... before you all start running to go and get all the latest books and magazines:

It says "WH Smith" over the door - and all over the shop. But it is still Turtle's at it's core!

Take this morning for example:

"Hello"

"Nyuhhhh"

"How are you?"

"Nyuhhhh?"

"Do you have Men's Fitness magazine?"

"No. (texting and also watching YouTube)"

"Are you sure?"

"Nyuhhhh?" (with the "leave me alone this is way outside my IQ level" look)

"You don't have it?"

"No. No have. Tuh!"

"Oh ok. I'll take this magazine instead then. It's called "Men's Fitness". It's the magazine that you don't have! There's five of them on the shelf over there. I'd also buy one of those copies of "The Economist" that are beside it, but you don't have that in stock either, do you?"

"Nyuhhhh!"

"Bye"

Muppets!

Where Is Muscato?

2010-04-17T00:54:00.001+04:00

Seriously..... where is he?

Lexus Again...

2010-04-14T06:37:00.007+04:00

While checking the financial pages on the BBC website, I happened to come across this article about that benchmark of middle-classism in Oman - The Lexus

You can read the story here.

So we now have Lexus suspending sales of the the G-series 4x4 in the US because of "safety issues". That's quite a nice way of saying "it turns over going around bends".

Now....I was wondering what Lexus Oman was going to do about this?

Or maybe the story hasn't reached these chores - up until now that is :)

Looks like quite a serious issue with the Traction Control System that is causing the vehicle to become highly unstable when cornering at high speed.

However, the reports say that this only happens when the driver approaches the corner too quickly and then lifts off the gas or brakes suddenly.

Correct me if I am wrong but....combining this problem with the almost endemic regional driving madness that we have throughout the GCC....would it be fair to say that it might be worth looking more closely at the 4x4 Lexus here in Oman in the interests of safety?

Or is what is sold here a completely different machine and not just a re-badge?

I mean, how many families with children buy similar machines here in Oman?

Couple that with the fact that most have no childseats or seatbelts and you are looking at a potential bloodbath should one of these crates fall over at speed.

After all, isn't there an ongoing Road Safety Campaign happening?

Maybe they could work together with the Lexus dealers in Muscat?

Has The Week or Muscat Daily looked into this issue yet?

Lexus have admitted to the problem and have said they will take steps to remedy it.

So, what do you think folks?

Good idea?

Omani Space Program Update

2010-04-13T15:16:00.010+04:00

The already beleaguered Omani Space Program was dealt another blow yesterday afternoon when their primary team of six space-cadets were involved in a training accident at Space Camp Al Khoudh.

The incident was centered around the testing of spacesuits that the Omastronauts have to wear, in order to withstand the high temperatures that they will be subjected to on the surface of the Moon.

Reports state that some members of the team started to become dizzy and lose consciousness, with all Omastronauts eventually passing-out while gasping for air, in a desperate attempt to clamber back on-board Baisa Bus Three - which replaced the ill-fated Baisa Bus One which was tragically lost in an accident a few weeks ago.

(It also replaced Baisa Bus Two which, having been bought at the Toyota garage at Mawaleh last week, was accidently sold again to someone else by an over-zealous Keralan salesman.)

It was originally thought that problems with the suit's oxygen filtration systems were responsible, however, a subsequent investigation has discovered that criminal activity was to blame.

Detectives today arrested Saif Al-Lotakash, from Muscat-based "Ruwi Lunar Project Services LLC", for attempting to cut costs by using aluminium foil and duct tape instead of high-grade Kevlar composite weave on the spacesuits, causing severe broiling of four space-cadets in the afternoon sun.

Two more are still in intensive care at the Royal Hospital in Muscat, where their condition has been described by doctors as "medium rare".

Mr. Al-Lotakash denies any wrong-doing and states that the Omani Space Program's chief engineer, Mr. George Alexander Gupta told him that the foil was "Same, same sir! No problem!"

Nasser Bin Tumoon, Press Officer for the Omani Space Program, said in a meeting this morning that "everything is fine, mafi mushkala, all ok here my friends" and that he had every confidence that the team would recover, in due course.

FURTHER UPDATE re: Creatures Pet Shop

2010-04-13T12:28:00.004+04:00

As a further addition to what I blogged about earlier this morning, I was delighted to receive a message from Dr. Elke Heitz MRCVS who's Al Qurum Veterinary Clinic have been advertised by word of mouth by a certain pet shop as their veterinary consultants:

Dr. Elke says:

With regards to the blog comment regarding the PetShop animals on this blog i would like to state that we as Al Qurum Veterinary Clinic in no way are contracted, contacted or involved with the treatments at either pet shops. We have no direct agreement with any of the pet shops to look after their pets or to do any treatments unless they are brought to us for individual treatments which we of course would do as necessary.
Unfortunately we have not seen pets taken to us by the Sabco Center Petshop for quite a long time (more than 2 years), and as far as I am informed is that they have Dr Svetlana as their veterinarian treating the animals there.

From the other petshops we occassionally have seen pets taken to us, but again this has been some time ago now. These pets are always treated as necessary but sadly often they come to us in very poor condition already.

I am aware of the problem of imported pets and the challenges this faces, but am not able to treat such pets unless the pet shops appoint us to do so.
Unfortunately I am neither in the position to comment on the treatments these pets receive as we are , as mentioned above , not involved in any way with their treatments.

The Ministry to contact for any concerns would be the Ministry of Agriculture and Animal Wealth.

If any of the petshops would like to contact me to arrange additional veterinary support please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thanks for bringing up this concern, with best regards, Dr Elke Heitz MRCVS

Thank you for responding Dr. Elke, I appreciate you taking the time to do so.

Creatures Pet Shop In SABCO Centre

2010-04-13T08:27:00.008+04:00

The ever informed Undercover Dragon is running a story about the above-named pet shop at his blog here.

A while ago, I explored the possibility of buying a beagle puppy from Creatures Pet Shop in SABCO and when I got there, I was fed what can only be described as total and utter bullshit from a guy called George who works there and also another local man who claimed that all his animals had verifiable histories that were in line with all the Omani laws.

Only now am I more fully informed of the reality of what is really going on down there and also, I suspect, in other pet shops in Muscat.

Having returned a week later to have another look, I was told that the beagle had died due to a "birth defect" and that they could get me another in a week or two. Meanwhile, I asked about the young puppy who was clearly in a state of distress in a plastic transporter cage which had a blanket thrown over it.

Closer inspection revealed that the pup was sitting in a pool of its own liquid feces and could hardly stand up.

I was told by George that the dog had suspected Parvovirus but they were going to give him a few more days to recover.

When I went back the next day he was gone.

Now....I have some questions.

The staff there told me that the person in charge of the veterinary upkeep of these animals is Elka from the clinic in Qurum Heights.

I have also heard her name mentioned at the other pet shop next to Markaz Al Bahja.

Over the past years, I have accompanied friends to this woman's vet clinic and have been very impressed by her attitude and skill - but if she gets to read this, can she tell us what steps she has taken to try and prevent the daily suffering of all of these animals?

Surely as a veterinary professional, she and other vets have a duty of care when animals like this show up REGULARLY in a clinic.

And what is the local municipality or whoever doing to prevent this?

The general public carry more whack than most people realize when it comes to getting stuff like this actioned.

Would the pet shop in question like to have a full page spread about them in one of the local rags? Or a general information release to advise people of the problem?

Knowledge is power. The more people who know about this issue, the more chance there is of seeing it being changed.

I am so far from being a tree-hugger, however the mindless and callous treatment of any living creature just to make money is unacceptable - and they have no voice of their own.

It is for that reason that I am asking you all to get on your blogging, Twitter and email bikes and spread the word.

UPDATE:

In response to some of your comments, I am in no way insinuating that Elke or her team are involved in any kind of under-handed dealings in relation to the above pet shop, I find her to be a vet of the utmost integrity and has only the welfare of her patients at heart.

George at Creatures and also the Filipino guy in Markaz told me that Elke provides all of the vaccinations and healthcare for these animals. I do not know if this is true or not - I am just relaying what I have been told.

What I am asking is, if the above is true, then what reports have been issued, or actions taken by vets when confronted with an animal from this pet shop?

Is it just ignored because "that's just the way it is around here"?

Is there any way that these animals can be impounded and cared for?

Does Oman have an anti-cruelty law for animals, and if not then why not?

I know the lady down in the marina is very active in animal sheltering but at the same time I am aware that space to shelter them is finite.

I think it is time for some ballsy investigative journalist to have a deeper look into the activities of Creatures Pet Shop - or maybe the owners would care to comment and show Muscat that they really are above board and this has all been a terrible misunderstanding.

Driving A Lexus...

2010-04-10T14:51:00.004+04:00

I have been meaning to blog about this for a while, but never seemed to find the right moment.

This phenomenon may be exclusive to the GCC or it may be a global thing, however, here is my question.

When you buy a new or a used Lexus...does it come with a free course in "How To Be A Dickhead"? ... or is that an extra you have to pay for?

Seriously - for the past twelve months, every single moron who has done what can only be described as something jaw-droppingly dangerous and selfish has been, you've guessed it, at the wheel of a Lexus.

Check your right-hand mirror in a queue and who is blasting up the yellow line on the inside.....yep - the Lexus driver.

Who's that braking hard in the fast lane and then blocking three lines of traffic to go off at the Bowsher roundabout? You again!

Flash flash flash, "Out of my way I am in a Lexus!" - and then Jet Driver shows you what a V12 looks like as it disappears away from you.

That really does hurt, doesn't it?

I am assuming that this is some sort of "Lexus driver delusion of grandeur" with a touch of, "let me through for I am superior in my Lexus."

Well....guess what? You're not!

You're just a dickhead in a re-branded Toyota.

A heap of Japanese shite.

Plastic walnut finishings and 12 speaker Pioneer stereo system.

Crap. Cheap, middle-class delusional crap!

And by the way - at the traffic lights, stop looking over at me and nodding your head in approval at my German automotive masterpiece - you will not be getting a positive response from me, for you are sitting in a Lexus - and you're a wannabe.

Now. Go away and play with your other deluded Lexus friends, or your young apprentices.....the Maxima drivers.

40th Anniversary Greed

2010-04-07T11:31:00.006+04:00

I was having a look at the Oman Forum earlier today and found one of the tons of rumours going around about what His Majesty is going to do during his 40th year of leadership.

Yes, almost forty years ago, His Majesty came to the throne and began to provide great things and a proper, stable future for the people of Oman.

That is what Omanis should be celebrating - His Majesty - and the incredible insight and vision he has, and how much has been gained by Omanis from that.

Not "What is HM going to give me for the 40th?" "I've heard a rumour that I am getting this....or that."

I've seen this so much since I got here: "Me, me, me!"

Driving, shopping, consuming, queuing and of course, handouts!

Sit back and have a long look at what HM has given you over the past forty years.

Security. Safety. Improved infrastructure. Healthcare to rival anything in the modern world. The opportunity to create personal wealth.

It sickens me that most of you still have this "cap in hand" - "the government should pay" mentality.

It is time for the handouts to stop! Some of you just do not deserve them!

Look at the subsidized electricity and water that you have.

Nobody says, "Thank you, I appreciate it and will endeavor to be conservative with its usage."

On the contrary - again we have the "we are entitled to it" attitude.

Lights all over the outside of villas, all lights on inside the house, spraying the garden with water to have plants that are not even indigenous to Oman....all paid for mostly by HM.

And look at how you squander it! The resources are already now at a low, thanks to your excesses and lack of forethought.

Get this....

HM owes you nothing. Nada! - and I have been told that he hates rumour-mongering, so if you really value the possibility that he may generously pay off loans for the over 50's, then you might want to stop rumouring it.

Also, I wonder how many Omanis under 50 will be transferring loans into the names of older relatives in the hopes of making a fast buck? Loads of you!

Grow up! - and stop being so disgustingly greedy!

Sorry Folks!

2010-03-21T08:58:00.003+04:00

The Jet Driver is snowed under with work at the moment, but will blog back soon.

In the meantime, a couple of folks have asked me to link the following videos to the blog.

They are a tribute to some very good friends of mine who work for that bastion of PR and "everything is just fine" operation that is Emirates Airlines.

Some of the one liners you won't get, I suppose, because you don't work there - but for sheer entertainment purposes, they are well worth a look.

They are in widescreen so I cannot embed them here, but just click to link to the first one and then follow the episodes from there.

"Our Darkest Hour" Video

Have fun!

(More space program-type blogs coming soon, just as soon as I get back again)

Goodbye Gulf Air!

2010-03-14T12:30:00.012+04:00

Somebody has gone and fucked what is left of Gulf Air.

The Jet Driver usually travels First Class and has a tendency to use Gulf Air, not for the fact that I like the retro design on their planes, but, because for me, their level of cabin service in First is exemplary - and kicks the ass out of what the rest of the GCC has to offer.

I get my own Sky Chef - and I say "my own" because usually I am in the First Class Cabin alone because due to the global recession, my usual Gulf Air travel buddies have had their purse strings tightened and so are now traveling with the other peasants in Economy.

The Business Class section is always at around fifty per cent capacity, therefore, no upgrades from the wannabes in there, so invariably - Jet Driver gets First Class to himself - until now.

Welcome to the wonderful new fuck-up marketing policy from Gulf Air that is "Golden Falcon."

They've combined Business with First - however only some seats have Sleeper Seats while the rest of the cabin have the usual business-level "almost" lie-flat system.

Gulf Air claim that if you buy a Golden Falcon ticket that, depending on the ticket type code, you will be allowed to use one of the premium seats but if you do not have that J, K or whatever, then you are doomed to a "normal" Business Class seat.

"So what?" I hear you ask.

Well....here's what.

Hiding behind this so-called revolutionary new Golden Falcon service is the rather dark fact that Gulf Air are using this as a tactic to reduce staff numbers on board their aircraft.

Traditionally, there were 24 seats in Business and only 8 in First - normally occupied by just one person.......Jet Driver! - who is always going to be booking himself on First Class anyway - so the whole "you could be a winner with Golden Falcon" doesn't mean shit to me.

What does mean shit to me however, is the fact that MY two cabin crew members and Sky Chef are now dealing with both the First AND Business Class cabins with NO ADDITIONAL SUPPORT!

They now have to serve a potential 32 people instead of a previous potential maximum of 8.

So I now get 80% less service! - I was appalled!

No proper setting up of my dinner service.

No "Some more port before bed, Mr. Jet Driver?"

No more tender loving care from gorgeous, uniformed babes!

No turn-down service. - (which was about the only time that JD ever gets "turned down")

Gulf Air - you have fucked it! Literally!

I'll give you a year before you have to either change it or close down!

You are supposed to be a LEGACY CARRIER!

First and Business! You cannot combine them - we are different types of passenger.

Business Class is "Nigel" from management at HSBC.

First Class is, as was the other day, Alain Prost and Jet Driver! (He was also appalled!)

What this says is....."We are the only airline in the Middle East who have to make cut-backs because we cannot attract as many "high net worth" passengers, so we will just slowly die as the RyanAir or EasyJet of the Middle East.

Well - not with my money you won't! I'm off to NetJets!

Muscat Confidential Blocked By Omantel

2010-03-06T13:40:00.001+04:00

Have tried to access The Dragon's blog all morning but all I get is the "Blocked by popular demand" message from Omantel.

Are they just updating their system or has someone finally lost their mind at Omantel?

Guys.....come on! The implications of blocking this are massive.

Kiddies Controlling Airplanes In New York

2010-03-04T14:32:00.007+04:00

I had to be peeled off the ceiling when I heard about this one!

Two controllers allowed a child to issue commands to pilots from the ground and tower controllers positions.

Pilots were heard to express amusement when answering the young boy, with some even going as far as having general chit-chat over the airwaves with him.

In one exchange, the boy is heard to say "JetBlue 171 contact Departure" to which the pilot replied "Over to Departure, JetBlue 171, awesome job kid!"

It turns out that the boy was the son of a JFK Tower Controller who was with him to have a look around while on his school holidays.

The guy has now been suspended, pending an FAA investigation which will probably result in him losing his job.

The National Air Traffic Controllers Association have launched a scathing attack on the controller stating that he was unprofessional and put the lives of hundreds of people at risk at Kennedy Airport.

As far as I am concerned, they can shove that opinion up their collective asses!

There was nothing wrong with what was done by the controller. All was perfectly monitored and supervised and I sincerely doubt that the kid was left alone on position. Just a case of "Hey son. I am going to say this and then you say this ok? Here....I wrote it down for you."

My guess is that whoever sanctioned the investigation is one of those management dickheads who has never given a takeoff clearance in his life.

All the fun is slowly being squeezed out of this industry by jobsworths and morons who have no idea how or where aviation came about, and have no idea of the types of people involved in both flying planes and controlling them.

If there are any more pilots or controllers reading this.....get writing and let the FAA and NATCA know just what we all think......that no harm was or could have been done - at least not outside of some ass-covering safety manual written by an insurance company.

We are aviators. Professional, flexible and don't mind the odd joke or dream come true for a kid on the radio.

This sits right up there with the ban on cockpit visits. Nonsense, insurance company ass-covering again.

Beancounters and non-flying management types are slowly destroying our industry from the inside out.

I'm fuming. Really, I am!

Idiots!

Omani Space Program

2010-02-28T20:47:00.004+04:00

It is rumored that NASA has expressed an interest in setting up an Intergalactic Exploration Training College here, in order to expand the existing Omani Space Program.

NASA claims that the higher than average number of space-cadets in Muscat makes it the ideal place for a strategic interstellar launch site.

In anticipation of the opening of this new centre of excellence, a purpose-built "launch ramp" has been constructed on the outskirts of the city.

However, efforts to make Oman's first trip into space have been overshadowed by the loss of "Baisa Bus One" which having confused flag waving well-wishers for fare-paying passengers, veered off course during launch and exploded into the side wall of Mission Control.

OSP representative Nasser Bin Tumoon said that while the loss was tragic, that it will only go to further strengthen the resolve of the space team.

Experiences You Must Have Before I Will Consider You An Oman Expat

2010-02-18T10:01:00.005+04:00

Because of my job, I have to do a lot of meeting and greeting of new people coming into the system here in Oman.

Some jet-jockey types who high five a lot, some engineers and aircraft designers and the odd test pilot. All different types of industry folk - but the one thing that puts them all in the same bucket, is that over-confidence that every expat has on their first week here.

"No problems today. Went and got my resident's card. Very efficient."

"Driver's Licence? Yep! Got it! Had a laugh with the ROP guy. Nice chap!"

"I already found a villa! It was easy! The PRO had a mate who knew someone else who was renting!"

"Nah, thanks for the offer, but I'm on my way to Toyota now to pick up my Prado!"

"Barbecue at my place on Thursday? Brilliant! Don't bring anything! I'll get the beer myself! Going down to Ruwi to get my licence in a few minutes."

"I'm totally settled in here now and feel like a real expat!"

Yes folks. The all-too-common "everything is going along just fine" situation that all new expats find themselves in.

However....I have decided that I will not consider you to be a true "Expat in Muscat" until I hear you say the following:

"Jesus Christ! Who are those guys in the orange and white cars?"

"There has been no water in my villa since January."

"I saw people having a picnic on the roundabout at Seeb. Is that not dangerous?"

"My furniture hasn't arrived yet, but he said it would only take three days."

"The bank have cancelled my cards again."

"He has the deposit, but now he won't answer his phone."

"I hailed one of those red and white striped taxis but they never stop! Why?"

"What does he mean when he wobbles his head like that?"

"That Filipina took all my money and went home!"

"Who needs a trolley full of Vimto?"

"Why is the PRO ignoring me?"

I'm sure there's a few more quotes you'd like to add to this!

Update: Omantel Unblocks Community Queer Blog

2010-02-16T12:36:00.002+04:00

In the light of what I assume were numerous requests and protests from the blogging community, Omantel have unblocked gay community website "Community Queer".

Well done Omantel and the TRA. In this blogger's opinion, you have made a very brave and very important, intelligent decision.

Congratulations!

Electrocution.....

2010-02-11T08:57:00.005+04:00

The following story was brought to my attention last night and I was bemused that the incident did not make the papers - at least to my knowledge.

Apparently three or maybe four Indian or Pakistani building site workers were electrocuted a few weeks back while wheeling a scaffolding tower around outside and striking overhead lines in Mawaleh.

An eye-witness told me that they had objected to moving it because of the cable danger, but their "handler" (who wasn't going to be touching the metal scaff-bars anyway) told them to get a move on and that it was fine!

The witness said that there was a flash and all the men were burned and died.

(Sounds like they were high tension lines to me.)

Has anyone else out there got any info on the above?

Visit This Blog!

2010-02-03T05:26:00.002+04:00

Well folks, I'm still doing the rounds and finding my feet again after a short hiatus from blogging due to mostly not having enough time to think about the site over the early part of the New Year.

Have been looking at some of the new blogs that have arisen and I want to stand up and loudly applaud Scudder and Finn for quite literally sticking their necks out and publishing what I can only assume is Oman's first gay community blog. I am proud of your bravery and your innovation.

Everyone should go and have a read of it, and then maybe email the folks there and give them your feedback.

The gay community in Oman is huge. The closet gay community makes up what I imagine is more than half.

Gays and Lesbians can put the average heterosexual to shame when it comes to support and engagement of those in need, so I want to see this blog eventually blossom into a website and a magazine with help and advice for those who need it, some interesting articles about the community in Muscat and throughout the GCC - and details for places to go, things to do and upcoming events.

No one can keep a lid on this for much longer. This country is tolerant - very much so, and while there's a lot of heads in the sand about the subject, I think that awareness and exposure will only benefit everyone concerned.

The blog is here: www.communityqueer.blogspot.com - go and have a look!

Scudder and Finn.......you're both awesome!

Sorry About That Folks!

2010-02-01T14:32:00.003+04:00

Right! I'm back and with a vengeance.....but not just yet!

Have a few more things to sort out and then I promise I'll start pulling back this third world country's first world veneer.......but only enough that it doesn't get me sent home.

I love you all!

JD

Seasons Greetings

2009-12-24T04:18:00.002+04:00

I'm just dropping in to wish you all the very best for Christmas and the New Year.

My bags are packed, presents have been bought and now my plane is waiting to take me to a place that is far more conducive to the season at hand.

A single ticket has been purchased for this flight.

Jet Driver has some serious thinking to do over the next few weeks.

At this point in time, he has big reservations about returning to this place.

Not a happy bunny....not a happy bunny at all!

Until next year, my regards

Jet Driver

Airport Security

2009-12-16T07:14:00.003+04:00

After a rather "emotional" flight in which the aircraft became schizophrenic, and then succeeded in accomplishing the near impossible task of scaring the living shit out of Jet Driver not once but five times, we elected to divert to the wonderful city of culture and high social evolution that is Manchester in the United Kingdom.

Ever feel completely out of place in your Lacoste shirt and Dockers trousers? Surrounded by Burberry-clad wankers in puffa jackets adorned with faux fur and cubic zirconium, side-kicked by greasy ringlet-haired life drop-outs wheeling two-year olds in a buggy that looks like something from space, while screaming obscenities into a mobile phone with more luminous strobes on it than an eighties disco.

It got better at the airport on the return journey. Go to security. "Make way ladies and gentlemen" said the guard, "aircrew coming through."

The usual Red Sea parting but I give a courtesy yield to the Airport Police Officer who is coming through to begin his shift.

He was sporting the following:

A pair of black police overalls.

A black baseball cap with "Police" written on it.

A bullet-proof vest and both shoulder and knee protectors.

An automatic weapon.

A pistol.

A telescopic baton.

A tin of pepper spray.

A couple of MagLites.

Various webbing pouches containing a first aid kit and a Leatherman tool.

And he's carrying a small plastic "Marks & Spencers" bag.

He walks around the security cordon, as he is wont to do.

"Uhmmmmm excuse me, sir." says the pre-pubescent, acne-covered "security agent" at the counter "You can't take that with you."

"I'm sorry. What?" says the copper.

"The banana and the bottle of water sir....leave it here please. Now. Quickly. I have passengers to deal with."

Cop replies with: "Have you got a supervisor mate? You know...someone who looks after you and makes sure you can find the bus home? Or better still....where are your parents? Does your Dad know you're here?", and plonked both banana and water into said moron's hands, while at the same time towering menacingly over him in a way that only heavily-armed police officers can.

Whoops and cheers from crew and passengers alike.

What the fuck is happening at your airports UK?

What indeed is happening to your entire country?

People.....stand up and stop this crap from happening.

Door to Door Begging Scam

2009-12-04T14:37:00.003+04:00

In relation to the thread posted a while ago about the man who knocks on the door and says that his father is sick and a doctor for His Majesty.....

Well, he has just knocked on Jet Driver's door.

I gave him no money and then attempted to follow him but he drove so wrecklessly that I had to stop my pursuit.

He is driving a rented car and the registration plate is 6386T - a small white car.

Can anyone tell me now who would be the best person to contact about this scam?

UPDATE:

According to the ROP, if he did not take any money then there is no point in me pursuing him. However, they did say that if any of you out there have lost money to him that they can pick him up using the data from the registration of the vehicle and then he can be charged if you recognise him.

Switzerland Bans Minarets!

2009-11-30T01:27:00.003+04:00

The population of Switzerland has voted to ban the building of minarets in its country.

The proposal to ban minarets, apart from the four existing ones, was put forward by the Swiss People's Party which said that minarets are a sign of "Islamisation" and that banning the tower-like structures, would assist in the elimination of extremist tendencies.

The government is now preparing itself for a potential backlash from Muslim groups both inside and outside of Switzerland.

Justice Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf said that a ban on the construction of new minarets was "not a rejection of the Muslim community, religion or culture."

So, essentially, what she is saying is that rejecting an important piece of Islamic traditional architecture is not actually "rejecting" it, it is just well......rejecting it!

Why not tear down the church towers as well? Or is that different?

Let me tell you something folks....and listen up good....this world is on its way into a state of turmoil and civil unrest like nothing we have ever seen before, and the sad part is that as a common people outside of religion, we are all being played as pawns in some sick game designed to bring us all together under one giant law - "for the good of us all".

It makes me lose sleep, my friends. It really does.

Oman Air PR Nightmare?

2009-11-14T10:53:00.017+04:00

So we're all recovered from the big exercise that (pardon the pun) went down over the weekend.

A great job done by all parties concerned however having just had a look at Muscat Mutterings from the ever-entertaining Sythe, I was stunned to see the web-page that the powers that be have decided to put up on the Oman Air website.

This is, in my humble opinion, taking the exercise a step too far. W

ay too far in fact.

You can see the page (if they still have it up) by clicking here.

There's even a rather mawkish statement from the CEO - what on earth were they thinking?

Yes, airlines do post stuff like this on their websites after accidents but seldom to this level of detail. A simple phone number is usually enough. I've never seen anything about body counts and identifying the dead coming up on airline sites before.

Go to any photos of airline crashes from the past and the first thing you will see is the titles and name of the aircraft being covered-up by the airline as no airline wants its name associated with an accident - even if the plane in question is theirs! Accidents and airlines should not be put in the same sentence from a marketing and PR point of view!

Too many presuppositions in this idea. Putting a tiny "exercise" in brackets at the top of the page and repeating it in the text is not enough. People scan webpages - and just seeing the words Salalah and Muscat would be enough to send some folks with families in the region scrambling for mobile phones.

Is there a version in Arabic? What if the reader only has a vague command of the English language. Unnecessary scaring of relatives, friends.......potential future customers! THINK!

And I suppose it would be useless of me to mention how this can further damage the already unstable sales prospects for The Wave.

People will always be people and therefore, as sure as you like, the comment "They must have had a good reason for choosing The Wave." will be echoing around the world at this point.

"Come and buy in The Wave - top quality construction, golf course, sea views and the odd emergency drill in case a 50 ton airliner ends up in your back garden! - not that that will ever happen!"

These things are done worldwide on a monthly basis. But they are done with discretion and certainly not blasted all over the airline's website.

And now that I type this, I've just been informed that Gulf News has picked it up here.

"He said a real aircraft without passengers was placed inside the Wave property behind the Muscat International Airport."........... WTF?!

Madness!

Simply Fantastic!....

2009-11-12T09:19:00.002+04:00

If you're a whining, self-obessed religious freakshow nutjob, it might be better to not click the link below as you may not be able to deal with how the normal world sees you.

For the rest of you - click here.

Notice To You All

2009-11-09T07:23:00.003+04:00

After last week's debacle, I have decided that I can no longer handle doing my weekly and monthly shopping at Carrefour.

It's now just out of hand - nuts!

No trolleys left when I got there in the mid-afternoon. Waited for the yellow-overalled trolley squad to arrive.

I think that anyone in a yellow zoom-bag is of the "special needs" category so I will not make fun of them - although I do believe that allowing them to roam around the carpark with a giant metal train of trolleys is taking things a stretch too far.

And on the subject of special needs - City Centre security staff riding around on the golf-cart at 30kph while families are trying to get to the shops - not funny, not clever, not safe.

You are supposed to be there for safety. I almost killed you with my car the other day. It almost came down to you or the mother and two kids if I had to swerve......and guess who I would have chosen?

Inside Carrefour is now a joke.

You have been here eight years.......time to get it sorted out folks!

Fun With The Indians

2009-10-31T20:04:00.006+04:00

A great few days were had by all. Quite seriously, the best fun you can have with your clothes on!

More fun and games next year!

Pizza Hut - Salalah

2009-10-28T06:55:00.018+04:00

I have to say....Salalah is lovely. Really lovely.

Nice people, nice town and a great coffee shop called Brownies with awesome, switched on staff.

And it is based on the subject of "switched on" that I would like to suggest that some of the Brownies staff be moved to Pizza Hut (it's only a few doors down the road) where I went the other night around 9pm.

(I am assuming the original Pizza Hut Training Team are the same ones who did the job at Darcy's Kitchen.)

Consider it a consultancy move where the staff can be trained to recognize simple little customer service requirements like:

Registering the arrival of a customer.

Coming to get the customer's order within the first half an hour.

Listening to what the customer has asked for and bringing it to them instead of bringing whatever you had in the fridge.

Washing knives and forks, glasses and the table that your guest is at.

Knowing the difference between Pepsi and Orange soda (there is a brilliant visual cue that can be used to help with this)

and finally:

When my order eventually came, I ate my pizza while listening to the following:

"Do The Hokey Cokey" - sung by the children from The Barney Show. Loudly. On repeat.

Suspiciously similar to the CD that they use in the toy shop at City Centre which acts like a forcefield, stopping customers from staying for longer than it takes to walk up and down the first aisle.

Did I ask for it to be changed after the third round? Of course I did.

Did they solve the problem? No.

Instead, they just released the repeat button so that I got happy, clappy, $10,000 dollar child dental-work versions of:

"Happy Birthday To You"

"If You're Happy, And You Know It, Clap Your Hands"

"Ten Green Bottles Hanging On The Wall" faded into the background as I left both the pizza and the incompetency behind.

Altogether now: "Ohhhhhhhhhh Hokey Cokey Cokey! Ohhhhhhhhhh......"

Simply useless!

The End of Muscat Confidential

2009-10-25T07:38:00.004+04:00

Candlelight vigils next to computer screens worldwide are in effect due to reports coming in about the the disappearance of the work-shy and gender-challenged blogger known by the pen-name Undercover Dragon.

The Dragon, owner of the Muscat Confidential blog, vanished last week in a seemingly permanent move, following various "practice" vanishings over the past eight weeks.

It is thought that a possible scam draw for rave party tickets, may have been a contributory factor in these recent events.

Anyone catching sight of the Undercover Dragon, should not approach it, as to do so may result in any number of ailments - particularly an extreme feeling of having no motivation and "nothing to blog for".

A helpline has been set up for hard-core bloggers suffering shock or withdrawal symptoms from the Muscat Confidential blog.

Trained counsellors can be contacted on 900-729373.

All calls are anonymous and confidential.

Begging Scam

2009-10-19T15:55:00.002+04:00

Imagine my surprise when I read a comment on Suburban's blog recently. I am not the best at putting links into my blogs so you'll have to make do with me copying and pasting Boxster's comments:

"a well dressed man (clean and ironed dishdasha, designer shades) with great english skills stopped by today, apologized profusely, tried to explain that he was a neighbor, locked himself out, his brother is driving from the interior with the spare keys, his father had a stroke a few hours ago, his father's normal doctor of 25 years is traveling with the royal family, and the interim doctor needs payment; all in all asking me for 27 rials.

i said that i didn't know him well enough to lend him money.

one of those days i'll drop by his house (the one supposedly behind the farthest visible from our gates) to check up on his dad.

this is the number to report begging:

+968-247-94949"

What made me reel from reading this is that this is the exact story and individual who ripped off a very kindly Oman Air captain a few weeks ago.

This guy may be targeting ex-pats only as I think that he wouldn't get away with doing this to a local.

Maybe Boxster can shed some more light on where it took place etc, either by commenting here or by email.

Be careful!

My First Hate Mail!

2009-10-18T07:22:00.003+04:00

This came to my inbox last night.

I can only say that I was so scared that I stayed up all night in the wardrobe, living in fear that they would act on their words. I quote:

"You stink wite ass peece of shet!

We no weer you leeve now and tonight we is killin you.

You die muderfacker! Yes we com for you and what can you do ha.

We cat you trot and eyes out. Then you see what happins!

Tonight you dieing!"

Yawwwwwwwwn!

Sometimes Just A Photo Says So Much...

2009-10-17T20:48:00.004+04:00

I caught these two over the weekend and felt... compelled to share it with you!

Quite simply....fantastic!

Getting Hooked Up In Muscat...

2009-10-14T07:03:00.006+04:00

Having had no fewer than four separate experiences of this type of tactic over the past few days, I was beginning to wonder the following:

1. Do I look like I'm gay? .... and

2. Is the basement of Markaz Al Bahja a regular hunting ground for gay males looking for some action?

Lately, the Jet Driver has been doing some work on his house because (and here is further evidence that I may be gay and not know it!), I was getting irked by the kitchen cupboards being the wrong shade of grey to sit between the chinese slate tiles and the brushed steel kitchenware that I have installed.

Anyway, on the past few occasions of standing in the Markaz basement, usually waiting for the 5pm opening of the kitchen shop, I have been eyed up and approached by individuals who had only moments earlier been sitting on the seats with a definite air of "lurking".

"Hi. How are you? You are from where? I see. Ok. Very nice guy. My name is Nasser. And you?"

Now, I know that people here are friendly and I get hellos from all sorts during the day, however, my suspicions of the "pick-up zone" are being added to by further behavioral traits from these men like "over-preening" in front of me, "dreamy" eye-contact and some very dodgy colours of dishdashas - pinks, lavenders, yellows.

So what's the deal folks? What's going on down there?

There Will Be No More Posts On This Blog.....

2009-10-10T07:25:00.001+04:00

....until lazy-arse Muscat Confidential posts something new.

Once again, I am holding up the blogosphere of dry wit and "inappropriate" humour.

Each of us must do their share! UD????? Where the f*ck are you?

The E-Gate: A Time Saving Device

2009-09-30T07:36:00.006+04:00

Once again, a classic example of "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

Touted as another time-saving device and bastion of efficiency, the new E-Gate system for resident card holders is now out of its experimental phase and has been brought fully online for mainstream use at Muscat International Airport.

How to use it? Simple!

Insert your resident's card into the machine - just like the picture that is taped to it.

Walk through the glass barrier when it opens.

Stop in the middle and turn to your right to face the "interrogation" screen. It's quite friendly and it even has a picture of a hand, telling you which finger to put onto the sensor to be scanned.

Then, when the machine has decided that you are who your resident's card claims you to be, it opens the second set of glass doors and you are free to go, with a cheery "Thank you" from the machine.

However, just like the parking ticket dispensers with, oh my God, no buttons!....a certain requirement has been overlooked: an IQ above 100.

I recently came in off a flight and having landed, I got chatting with a guy from Europe who was visiting for a few days business in Muscat. We got on the business class bus and disembarked at the terminal, whereupon we saw the Mumbai flight had arrived and he groaned at the visa queue.

"We're in for a long wait!" he said.

With a smug smile on my face, I displayed my resident's card and said "Not me, buddy! I'm off to the E-Gate! Where I just swipe....and go! See ya!"

I arrived at the gate. About twenty people in front of me.

The following occurred for about eighteen of them:

Push card into machine, except put in it upside down, completely ignoring the photo-guide.

Watch in horror as the machine goes beep.

Push it in again. This time a bit harder because that always works, doesn't it?

Have a stunted conversation with the Immigration guy about the machine not working and then finally either through blind luck or someone else's charity, put card in the right way.

Walk through the glass doors, fuming, and then walk straight into the opposite glass barrier with enough force to actually lift the machine off the ground.

Take a half step back and try to push your way through again, ignoring the voice from the machine that is trying to get your attention.

Look in utter incomprehension at the Immigration guy again as he points, for the thousandth time that day to the fingerprint scanner.

Look at the screen.

Bend at the waist and squint at the information on it, again ignoring the aural instructions.

Fumble around in your bag for your glasses, then drop them, and bash your head on the side of the display panel as you retrieve them.

For at least ten seconds, so it really sinks in, stare at the picture of the thumb being shown on the screen and then place your index finger on the scanner, because on your planet, that is where your thumb is.

Ogle quizzically at the screen again as it beeps and tells you that you have made an error.

Ignore the picture of the thumb again and turn to the crowd with a spastic look on your face that says "I should not be allowed to travel anywhere without proper supervision."

Wait for someone with a vastly higher IQ than you, to step forward and, with a tone of voice normally used on high-risk inmates at an insane asylum, show you which digit to place on the scanner.

Only another nineteen folks to go - by which stage, my friend from the bus is already in his suite at the InterCon.

Time taken per person: about 2 minutes for most - apart from the "special" ones who try and smash their way through the barrier and then require knee physio.

OAMC and the rest of you........you need to sit down and actually think these things through!

Eid Mubarak

2009-09-16T16:57:00.003+04:00

I wish you all a pleasant few days for Eid.

HM has been very generous in giving Jet Driver and his colleagues the entire week off!

Therefore, I am now about to board a First Class flight to an exotic location in South East Asia where I will be met by an even more exotic young lady who is rather keen to see me!

If any of you are reading this at the airport......I am in the lounge, so come up and say hello!

The only thing is that there are quite a few folks in here with a laptop.....which one of them is me? And if you asked me, would I tell you anyway?!

Eid Mubarak my darlings!

Mwah! JD

A Simple Lesson

2009-09-13T15:05:00.003+04:00

A, B, C, D, E, F, Geeeeeeeeeee......

Why can't they stick to this tried and trusted format for putting things on the shelves in my favourite place in City Centre?

Yes, indeed! A multicultural mish-mash of employees from Oman, India, Sri Lanka, Nepal and The Philippines and they still can't keep the place ship-shape.

One can imagine the Life Of Brian style scene when one of them takes a massive evolutionary leap and says:

"I've just had an amaaaaaaaazing moment of clarity! Those black and white signs above the shelves, yeah? Yeah? You know the ones? They're there to help us!"

Lots of quizical looks and yawning from the staff of the "Information" section and then a sudden pause in the texting and nail-picking....

"We have to put each book in it's proper place! And, and, and.......then use something I read about called the "alphabet" to further categorize each author!"

"Alpha....what?"

"BET! Alphabet! It's like a list of the order in which the letters of the English language come in!"

It is driving me mad, and it is getting worse!

Last week, I found a book about hedge funds in.....yep, you've guessed it.....the Gardening section.

For The Attention Of.....Sid

2009-09-04T22:08:00.002+04:00

Your wish is my command. Enjoy!

Ze Plane! Ze Plane!

2009-09-03T02:16:00.003+04:00

Lots of screaming and shouting going on around Azaiba and Mawaleh now that the "transport solution" for the RAF is in full swing.

The requirement was for an aircraft with a very large cargo space inside, that could operate on a host of runway surfaces from asphalt to gravel to compressed sand - AND had great short field performance.

There were no new Globemasters available - so you get the next best thing - the Ilyushin 76.

To a pilot, or an anorak plane-spotter, this machine is about as good as it gets. I can remember for years during the Cold War, all we had were grainy black and white photos of it, gleaned from US spyplanes and secret agents with bow-tie cameras.

Now we get to see them every day and they are awesome!

Yes, they keep some of you awake at night - but that's a small price to pay to have them here.

Personally, I love watching a fully loaded one of these, trying to launch itself into the sky and struggling with the relative humidity so just keeping it low level until the speed goes up.

If you want to see an Ilyushin 76 getting it all out of shape - one only has to look at this video. A real eye-opener for our Azaiba and Mawaleh chums!

I'm having my fun.....and that is all that matters! Mwah!

I've Been A Naughty Boy....Ooooh!

2009-08-30T22:43:00.007+04:00

Jet Driver went for a run the other day.

It was 38 degrees outside and naturally I wore shorts.

I also wore some other hi-tech, figure hugging Nike attire and in the midst of a rather "emotional" descent along one of the wadi treks, I came face to face with a brand new member of the ROP.

He was spotlessly turned out, shirt pressed and boots polished - a fine example of a young law-enforcement officer.

The conversation went a little bit like this:

"Hello mate! What's shakin'?"

"Why you errr...why you run?"

"To aid in cardio-vascular health and keep me looking fit and handsome amongst other things."

"I can see your knees and the backs of your legs!"

"Steady on sunshine. The Jet Driver only likes girls - young oriental ones to be precise!"

"What's this?" (Pointing at my chest)

"What's what?"

"This tube from your back."

"Ohhhh. That's water. It stops me from going into coronary arrest."

"You know Ramadan? You have shorts. This is not allowed."

"Oh.....ok.....sorry...and so.....what shall I do now? I'm 10 kilometres from my vehicle. You will take me to there?"

(A quick pow-wow with the notably senior officer in the jeep who had already seen the funny side to this and I suspect sent this poor newbie on a futile battle of wits.)

"You people! Crazy! (points at the sun) GO HOME! Relax! It's Ramadan!"

I love this place!

How To Run A Furniture Shop In Oman

2009-08-26T16:46:00.005+04:00

Ok, I'm tired of flogging the dead horse that is Ramadan so, as an extension of Jamilla Camel's debacle with her new bed, let me give her and other newbies in Oman the rundown on the phenomenon that is "Deliveries" in this town.

The situation is a result of a few traits that can all be combined and summed up in one word....greed:

Source the cheapest Chinese shit-excuse for furniture that you can find and sell it on for ten times the price.

Never mind if parts are missing...that's not your problem. You will never be facing the customer....ever.

Get the cheapest Indian, Pakistani or whatever to do the job - no qualifications needed.

When he gets here, reduce his salary even further with "deductions" for air ticket etc.

(This will do wonders for his morale.)

Take his passport away and inform him that he has no rights here in Oman.

(More morale building.)

Make sure that you choose floor-staff who have only basic English - they are cheaper to employ and when you drop their salaries and cheat them out of bonuses and days-off etc you can just claim that they did not understand you during the original negotiations and after all, they did sign a contract.

Put the fear of God, Shiva, Allah or whoever into your employees and further compound that cultural flexibility with the truth, so that no matter what the customer wants, they will tell you it is possible, because if it's not possible and the customer walks out the door, you will personally have them transferred to Salalah or some other far-off land as punishment, take a month's salary as compensation and refuse to pay their return flights home.

Your delivery team has to be made up of at least one Omani - this is the law.

The work ethic is low to non-existent here (don't protest - you know it's true for the menial jobs and I have been here too long to take the wishy-washy crap that is the usual argument for not doing anything.).

Qualifying criteria for a local or "token" Omanisation statistic in a low-level services position appears to be the ability to fog a mirror.

Can't blame him on anything though because he was sitting in the truck all the time.

Work your Indian and Sri Lankan "carpenters" for at least twelve hours a day and then leave them in the squalid conditions that you call "accommodation" - four walls and a roof is NOT a job well done on your part.

People need proper care and support (especially those who are away from family and friends through no fault of their own and no reason other than a messed up and corrupt economy back home - poverty like you have never seen, folks), proper furniture and facilities, air conditioning that works and when it doesn't you fix it THERE AND THEN and not when you can tear yourself away from your phone, the bar or the massage parlour.

It doesn't matter that what you have provided is "better than he has at home" - you should be making a conscious human effort to far exceed what his standard of living is....he is making you a bloody fortune!

Gouges get taken out of headboards and scratches get ripped into chairs and tables because most of the time these guys are so tired, pissed-off and disheartened that they have simply lost the will to live and with the loss of primordial instinct that goes with that, you can expect a severe reduction in general competency, motivation and eye-hand co-ordination.

Dissent is bubbling under the surface. An employee rebellion could happen overnight and then what's going to happen? What would a "tools down" protest for a week achieve on the "copping on that you are at the mercy of the minority workforce - they just haven't realised it yet" front?

Have a look across the road in Qatar.

Outnumbered five to one.....can you imagine the carnage if it all kicked off over there?

This is Oman - things are not changing. This is how it is. You just have to roll with it.

I buy furniture, I collect it myself even if I have to rent a van to do it, and finally, I build it myself.

It keeps things under my control - and leaves my blood-pressure within limits.

I recommend you do the same.

However, that said, I still love this place to bits.

This Ramadan: Be Careful What You Put In Your Mouth!

2009-08-26T12:34:00.008+04:00

Bit of a stretch eh fellas?

Clicky here!

The problem is that outside of the Middle East, the price of dates skyrockets.
Israeli dates are as cheap as chips so naturally, buyers like Carrefour and Asda will take the lowest priced products.

One could assume that many of the Iftar buffets and bistros at the InterContinentals and Hyatts around the world are supplied by the same dealers.

And not just dates! Apples, oranges, bananas, bed-sheets, truck tyres - maybe even vital medicines and bandages used to patch you up in an accident.

God protect us! We're all war-mongering arms dealers!

No doubt we'll have comments.
Where is Essa when you need him?!

Simply Dangerous and Disrespectful

2009-08-23T10:45:00.005+04:00

As much as I understand the importance of Ramadan...getting into a car and driving when you are dog-tired is simply unacceptable.

There is no excuse for it.

This is not five hundred years ago. You are not on horseback, or donkeyback or whatever.

You are in a two to four ton lump of metal, driving erratically down the highway.

Drifting in and out of lucidity while drifting in and out of your appropriate lane. Madness!

Sorry, but if you are getting into a car and driving when you are tired from fasting, or your blood-sugar is all over the place, then you are just as guilty as the one who drives off under the influence of alcohol.

Islam is a wonderful religion. I see its logic everyday when I talk with colleagues about it, but some of that logic needs to shift into the modern world and what the religion requires, needs to be reflected into the tasks and deeds of the way we live and work today.

Companies should be laying on buses for staff during Ramadan - driven by people who are not fasting or are taking their Quranic "allowances" and giving back a day later on.

It is no longer safe.

If you are tired, please don't get into a car. Don't kill me. Don't hurt my family or my friends. Don't hurt yours!

Behaving like this just shows senseless selfishness, ignorance and as I said earlier - downright stupidity and disrespect for life.

You have to choose between right and wrong. Driving in a state where you are not fit to drive is wrong and it is foolish. Your life is not yours to take. Yes, you go when it is written that you go, however, there are times when you will be held accountable.....I know this!

Ramadan: Sponsored By Carrefour

2009-08-21T14:45:00.003+04:00

I've just come back from Carrefour. Bedlam.
People are acting like the place is going to close down tonight and disappear. Panic buying of the highest order - I even managed to receive an elbow in the face from one individual who is lucky that he is not celebrating his first Iftar through a tube in the Royal Hospital - a high price to pay for a box of strawberry jelly. Yes - he wanted the entire box!

It was quite amusing to have a look at how similar the trolley-loads are.
I have worked out that there are some vital things that need to be purchased:

Vimto - about 50 bottles should do the trick. (They actually have built a 20 foot high Vimto pyramid.)
Foster Clark's Powdered Orange Drink - and you all wonder why your kids are on the ceiling!
Jelly - by the palette. Enough for at least 300 people.
Creme Caramel Desserts
Strawberry Milk
Eggs - thousands of them
Yoghurt - again, enough to fill a small ship should do the trick.

Before leaving for Carrefour, I think the locals either take some form of stimulant or maybe just a five litre drum of coffee.
Whatever it is, it has to have the effect of making one edgy, nervous and then pushy.

One month of chaos. I think, just like Christmas around the world, that the spirit of Ramadan is gone.

Airport Car-Park Hell

2009-08-18T08:08:00.005+04:00

Aren't the new machines in the airport car-park just dandy?

No more waiting for fifteen minutes for the man, who should have been sitting in the booth instead of shooting the shit in Costa Coffee with his mates, to come and bash the old barriers to make it open.

Instead we have ACS Parking Systems in place!

A company who are dab hands at making trouble-free parking zones. They even have a registration plate detection system at some airports around the world so that staff and aircrew can enter and exit without a ticket. Wonderful!

They claim that the use of their systems will help to reduce the long queues that we have been seeing at Muscat International Airport for the past few years, due to the high-level reliability of their systems.

But there was one thing that they did not factor in to their queue reduction plan.....the high number of twats in Oman.

Now before the regular window-lickers start thinking that this is a witch hunt for Omanis and Indians - it is not. I have seen an eclectic mix of idiots doing this over the past two weeks.

The initial problem is this: There are no buttons on the new machines. None. It's all pressure sensors on the front panel which is smooth like glass.

Jet Driver likes to stand beside the unit in the evenings when he is in need of amusement.

Typical scenario follows:

Drive up to the unit and stare at it.

Screen says: "Press to receive ticket".

The area to press is marked in a circle and is flashing like a Christmas tree!

Driver (while trying to push the screen): "Where's the button?" Two cars now behind.

Driver: "Huh? Press where?" Three.

Passenger: "It says the button" Five.

Driver: "There's none. It's not....." Beeep beeeeeeeeeep! Seven apoplectic drivers now.

Driver: It must be broken. I'll press the Help b......where's the Help button?!" Ten. Beeeep!

Driver: "I know! Why didn't I think of this stroke of genius before? I'll reverse out! There must be another way to get into......" BEEEEEP!

And a whole new level of chaos is born!

Well thought out guys!

Must be the Lulu Car Park Consultancy Service again!

Where Am I?

2009-08-15T12:01:00.002+04:00

Jet Driver has escaped for a few days....

Where am I?

I'll give you a clue!

Don't fret, I'll be back for Rammers!

Thanks A Lot Bank Muscat

2009-08-10T19:53:00.004+04:00

Dear Bank Muscat

Thanks a million for the eye-catching advertisements that I have seen in all the newspapers. And also for your 6 metre high multi-cultural billboards with expats and Omanis all bandied together, smiling in the knowledge that their money is safe in your hands.

So fucking safe in fact, that it was impossible to book a hotel in a certain South East Asian country last week when the Jet Driver decided to take a well-earned few days in a fabulous place with an equally fabulous young lady.

It is a very simple procedure. I nominate how much I want in my account. You agree to put this amount onto my credit card every month. And then we all go home smiling.....just like on the billboards.

But no....I get:

Hotel: "Sorry sir. Your card has been declined."

Me: "What?.....errrrrr NO! I have a Bank Muscat Super Prestige Platinum Wasta Card!"

Hotel: "Sorry sir....."

To the group of friends who told me to wait and get a backup card.....you were right, and I was wrong. Read this, print it and frame it.

Jet Driver does not make the same mistakes twice.

It's That Time Of The Year Again...

2009-07-21T14:54:00.002+04:00

The Boss is going for a cruise.....and therefore so must I.

See you good people in a few weeks!

Now.....where's my bag?

Nawras Numpty Coach Driver

2009-07-17T16:34:00.006+04:00

Jet Driver decided to go swimming last night down at Qantab beach, and as I was heading back towards my car, I saw a big blue tour-bus coming down the road.

The driver, a young chap about 20 was tooting the horn and weaving the coach from side to side in an effort to look cool, and then proceeded to swing hard into the left parking area.

The laws of physics took over and a rapid but rather pricey lesson in kinetic physics ensued as he hit the brakes.

Sand and gravel are not the most adherence-friendly of surfaces, and as the bus slid across the car park, and struck a ridge between two ruins, it is nothing short of a miracle that the bus stayed upright and the group of people, mostly teenagers from Nawras at the beach for a party, were not killed.

Jet Driver would normally go straight to the authorities for numpty behavior like this, but this being where it is....nothing would get done anyway.

One hour later, they were still trying to start the engine.

Jet Driver and others explained that because the electrics were now ripped asunder and strewn all over the path, due to the bus falling off a three foot ledge, attempting to start this bus was both futile, and more importantly, dangerous!

This however, fell on deaf ears - as both driver and "assistant" kept turning the key and pumping the gas.

Utterly useless........but left in charge of a bus full of kids!

It's Tough Being Cool

2009-07-15T08:46:00.004+04:00

Stopped for petrol and water the other day at the Shell Select next to City Centre and parked right in front of the main doors.

Was reaching down to get my wallet from between the seats when a white Toyota Echo pulled up next to me.

This was a typical Omani teen-machine.

Lots of chrome and the usual mis-spelled "Feul Injection" stickers.

Pitch black tinted windows and the stereo up to the maximum level.

The song however, although muffled by my car door was still instantly recognisable......

"Muh muh muh.....Mirrie Jean is nah mah ruvver....She jussa gair who....."

Then as the passenger door was flung open, what can only be described as "Eighties Retro Cool Gone Horribly Wrong" appeared.

He was about sixteen, sunglasses on, silver baseball cap and florescent pink t-shirt but also wearing a loosely knotted tie, with a cigarette dangling precariously from his lips.

He was out to make a solid impression from his fake Ruwi Converse All-Stars, all the way up to his cherry-flavoured lip gloss and glitter-star cheek transfer.

His 22 inch waist was what let him down abysmally though, as while he swung his legs out of the car door and stood up, it became clear to all and sundry that he was still secured into the vehicle by his seat-belt.

The rather sudden automatic 'retrieval' of his 40kg frame by the straps, and his subsequent flailing and lolling, was by far the funniest moment of July for me so far.

Omani teens: if you want to be cool - get lessons.

It's a lot harder than it looks!