After a rather "emotional" flight in which the aircraft became schizophrenic, and then succeeded in accomplishing the near impossible task of scaring the living shit out of Jet Driver not once but five times, we elected to divert to the wonderful city of culture and high social evolution that is Manchester in the United Kingdom.
Ever feel completely out of place in your Lacoste shirt and Dockers trousers? Surrounded by Burberry-clad wankers in puffa jackets adorned with faux fur and cubic zirconium, side-kicked by greasy ringlet-haired life drop-outs wheeling two-year olds in a buggy that looks like something from space, while screaming obscenities into a mobile phone with more luminous strobes on it than an eighties disco.
It got better at the airport on the return journey. Go to security. "Make way ladies and gentlemen" said the guard, "aircrew coming through."
The usual Red Sea parting but I give a courtesy yield to the Airport Police Officer who is coming through to begin his shift.
He was sporting the following:
A pair of black police overalls.
A black baseball cap with "Police" written on it.
A bullet-proof vest and both shoulder and knee protectors.
An automatic weapon.
A pistol.
A telescopic baton.
A tin of pepper spray.
A couple of MagLites.
Various webbing pouches containing a first aid kit and a Leatherman tool.
And he's carrying a small plastic "Marks & Spencers" bag.
He walks around the security cordon, as he is wont to do.
"Uhmmmmm excuse me, sir." says the pre-pubescent, acne-covered "security agent" at the counter "You can't take that with you."
"I'm sorry. What?" says the copper.
"The banana and the bottle of water sir....leave it here please. Now. Quickly. I have passengers to deal with."
Cop replies with: "Have you got a supervisor mate? You know...someone who looks after you and makes sure you can find the bus home? Or better still....where are your parents? Does your Dad know you're here?", and plonked both banana and water into said moron's hands, while at the same time towering menacingly over him in a way that only heavily-armed police officers can.
Whoops and cheers from crew and passengers alike.
What the fuck is happening at your airports UK?
What indeed is happening to your entire country?
People.....stand up and stop this crap from happening.
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