The scene unfolded like this:
I'm sitting in the lounge.
It's quiet - as an airline lounge should be….. if I wanted noise and raucousness, I would travel Economy.
The chap sitting across from me is on the phone - talking with his wife. His father had died the day before and he was on his way home to the UK for the funeral.
The woman beside me was inbound to Frankfurt and all was
not going smoothly for her due to delays.
It was getting late, and the majority of folks were resting: some dozing in their couches.
For me, it had been irksome getting through the bedlam that is rush-hour traffic in a major Asian metropolis - and so the calm air of the environment and a brandy was a welcome respite.
Until the door swung open….
He was a bald-headed, rotund individual - noisily out of breath and sweating like unfit, stagnating fat men do.
He paused - looked around, and at the top of his voice bellowed:
"Is this a Business Class Lounge or a Doctor's Surgery?"
"What's going on here?"
"You look like you're all waiting to die?"
"I say again….is this a Doctor's Surgery?"
I rolled my eyes and went back to my book.
He picked up on it.
"Oh, I'm sorry…….did I upset you? Wanker!"
"Nobody rolls their eyes at me, boy!"
I stayed put, waiting to see what would happen.
Words are annoying at times, but one can only justify a punch in the face when one is actually touched…..sadly - this was not to be.
"Can I see your boarding card please, sir!" said the lounge attendant.
"Oh don't worry….I'm not staying….I wouldn't stay here! I don't know why I even pay for shit like this…..I'm going!"
….and off he wobbled.
I passed him in Business as I walked through the cabin, however, he was oblivious to me because he was abusing a member of cabin crew about the "state of this plane".
"Where's my water?" "For fucksake!"
I continued on up to First and settled in with a magazine and some champagne, waiting for takeoff.
He behaved that way throughout the whole flight.
Moaning - before eventually nodding off, much to the relief of both the cabin-crew and the poor soul who had the utter misfortune of sitting next to him.
It turns out that despite all the smart-arse, super-important man shit that he spewed out, this moron was an Economy Class flyer who had been given a complimentary upgrade to Business, allowed it to go to his head and thought, "Here is an opportunity to make people feel small because I have been temporarily relieved of my own inadequacies." - but had no clue of how to conduct himself like a gentleman deserving of the privilege.
Here's the lesson of the day:
Never piss-off cabin crew, and never piss-off a member of the pilot fraternity, because we're all very closely knit - and we can make your flying life a living hell next time you come within a donkey's roar of an airport.
So… Mr. Michael Beckwith…
Congratulations! - you're now an international superstar on the aircrew "shit-list".
Not a good place to be!
We all know who you are, where you go and what seat you're sitting in!