Sunday, 23 May 2010

Ideas Above Your Station...

The scene unfolded like this:

I'm sitting in the lounge.
It's quiet - as an airline lounge should be….. if I wanted noise and raucousness, I would travel Economy.
The chap sitting across from me is on the phone - talking with his wife. His father had died the day before and he was on his way home to the UK for the funeral.

The woman beside me was inbound to Frankfurt and all was
not going smoothly for her due to delays.

It was getting late, and the majority of folks were resting: some dozing in their couches.

For me, it had been irksome getting through the bedlam that is rush-hour traffic in a major Asian metropolis - and so the calm air of the environment and a brandy was a welcome respite.

Until the door swung open….

He was a bald-headed, rotund individual - noisily out of breath and sweating like unfit, stagnating fat men do.
He paused - looked around, and at the top of his voice bellowed:

"Is this a Business Class Lounge or a Doctor's Surgery?"
"What's going on here?"
"You look like you're all waiting to die?"
"I say again….is this a Doctor's Surgery?"

I rolled my eyes and went back to my book.
He picked up on it.

"Oh, I'm sorry…….did I upset you? Wanker!"
"Nobody rolls their eyes at me, boy!"

I stayed put, waiting to see what would happen.
Words are annoying at times, but one can only justify a punch in the face when one is actually touched…..sadly - this was not to be.

"Can I see your boarding card please, sir!" said the lounge attendant.
"Oh don't worry….I'm not staying….I wouldn't stay here! I don't know why I even pay for shit like this…..I'm going!"
….and off he wobbled.

I passed him in Business as I walked through the cabin, however, he was oblivious to me because he was abusing a member of cabin crew about the "state of this plane".
"Where's my water?" "For fucksake!"

I continued on up to First and settled in with a magazine and some champagne, waiting for takeoff.

He behaved that way throughout the whole flight.
Moaning - before eventually nodding off, much to the relief of both the cabin-crew and the poor soul who had the utter misfortune of sitting next to him.

It turns out that despite all the smart-arse, super-important man shit that he spewed out, this moron was an Economy Class flyer who had been given a complimentary upgrade to Business, allowed it to go to his head and thought, "Here is an opportunity to make people feel small because I have been temporarily relieved of my own inadequacies." - but had no clue of how to conduct himself like a gentleman deserving of the privilege.

Here's the lesson of the day:

Never piss-off cabin crew, and never piss-off a member of the pilot fraternity, because we're all very closely knit - and we can make your flying life a living hell next time you come within a donkey's roar of an airport.

So… Mr. Michael Beckwith…
Congratulations! - you're now an international superstar on the aircrew "shit-list".
Not a good place to be!

We all know who you are, where you go and what seat you're sitting in!


Delirious in the Desert said...

Ha classic!!! Way to out the wanker JD :)

Blewyn said...

Labels : arsehole, fat, Michael Beckwith


It sounds like the guy was having a minor psychotic episode - I can't believe he's like that all the time. I've been on flights where a combination of tiredness, alcohol, low cabin pressure etc has made me insanely irritable. Booze and altitude just don't mix !

You have to be a special kind of stupid to piss off people who provide you with food....

Blewyn said...

He probably needs to visit this guy...

downtrodden said...

Dear sir, please forgive my impertinence, for I am a mere peasant who, sadly, only travels Economy. Unfortunately, I have my own inadequacies and have never had the privilege of flying First class or even Business with the good people.

Nice story about a wanker as told by another one high on his own flying status! Takes one to know one I guess, keep up the good work.

Jet Driver said...


One can always arrange the "privilege" for you :)


Nadia said...

Ahaha.. you made my day.

Anonymous said...

Ok ! You're on, JD. I'll be flying out end of June with the wife and baby - do I need a dinner jacket? Which fork is for the salad? :)

Jet Driver said...

Anon, downtrodden or whatever you'll call yourself next time...

Don't miss the point of the blog.
It's not about inadequacies based around whether you're in First, Business or Cattle Class..... it's about having the decorum to behave properly within the 'occasion'..... something I am sure, you would have no problem doing.

Also, for the record, the Jet Driver does not pay for this privilege - it comes as part of the job ;)



scarlet pimpernel said...

oooh !!! I wonder wat can happen to michael beckworth if he sticks to economy.

Nice one JD ..have you read shogun by james clavell ...?

@ downtrodden

thoda chill kar na mere bhai ... gore ko zyaada mind mat karo.

scarlet pimpernel said...

" cattle class ".... now dont do a tharoor will you ?

Anonymous said...

Though I have only traveled cattle class, bring my own things so as to avoid bothering the over-worked cattle-cabin staff because of the absolute piggish louts I'm surrounded by - it's comforting to know justice is being dealt in the skys somewhere!

Thank you for the call out!

PS - though I can only afford cattle class - I really don't care so long as I get to where I'm going in one piece. Alive. With my luggage. And yes - I've even chanced Egypt Air. Once.

Anonymous said...

Cheers JD, I get the point, but missed the subtlety I guess - no one likes a snob.

btw, I liked the story, only lament that these types actually exist to disrupt and almost ruin moments of life for the rest of us. With the baby, we'll get bulkhead seats I suppose - can you believe that I am looking forward to that as if it was an upgrade! oooo! stretch my legs! Who needs champagne?

hey, scarlet, what language is that?

Anonymous said...

No-one likes a snob, but you fail to see that the way you tell the story makes you a bit of a snob, too. The story wasn't really about the fat guy and his attitude, but a tale of how you don't like to be bothered by those you feel are (or should be) inferior to you. Not nice. Not nice at all.

Jet Driver said...

I know I use big words sometimes, and that it can be difficult for some people to get the gist of what I am trying to say...

However, let me clarify for the poster above:

The story was about a fat-man with an attitude problem.

It has been drilled into me since my childhood to act with respect - especially in a room full of strangers.

Walking into a private lounge and behaving like a moron is annoying.

So, when a person like that comes in and behaves like they do, you are correct, I find it bothersome.

His BEHAVIOR is the issue - and the result of what he did means that he is without question inferior to me.

You may think this to be "snobbish", but the majority of readers seem to understand the points in question.


Anonymous said...

Here,here ! As an ex hostee and a regular j class pax, there is no excuse for bad behaviour whilst travelling,regardless of class.It really does show his breeding or rather lack of it.

Just a word of warning - Never piss flight crew or cabin crew off, we were/are a very tight 'family on board' and you hurt one,you hurt all. Watch your backs and your food and drink........

Michael Beckwith I wish you had been a passenger of mine, I would of given you a flight you would never of forgot !!!!

Anonymous said...

Jet Driver: You see, by starting a reply by saying 'I know I use big words sometimes...' just illustrates the arrogance with which you write some of your posts.

Anonymous (ex hostee): Clearly, by revelling in the fact that you would somehow alter the food and drink of one of your paying customers, badly behaved or not, suggests that you were in breach of all decent moral and ethical standards of work. Such actions, whether carried out or merely threatened, lower you to the standard of the worst of the travelling public. Having many friends in the travel industry, I'm happy to say that your kind of thuggish behaviour is in the minority.

Jet Driver said...

"You see, by starting a reply by saying 'I know I use big words sometimes...' just illustrates the arrogance with which you write some of your posts. "

Not at all..... it just demonstrates that you're incapable of understanding where I was going with that.

Hint: Go and watch the Iron Man movie.


Anonymous said...

Not 'incapable', but 'unaware'. Just because I have not watched some science fiction movie does not make me incapable of understanding you, it merely makes me unaware that you were referencing anything. However, the words you used are secondary to the sentiment you wanted to express by using them. It is that sentiment which is rather irksome and manifestly arrogant.

Jet Driver said...

"Just because I have not watched some science fiction movie does not make me incapable of understanding you, it merely makes me unaware that you were referencing anything."

But yet, it allows you to make a blanket judgment of my personality?

Anyway....enough! Time to move on.
Am sure I can write something equally irksome for you soon ;)


Anonymous said...

haha ur post made me LOL, but to say that the cabin crew did something was a bit out of line, and also to name the person is stooping to their level, if you really were upset confront the man instead of bitching bout him, but thats another story, on the whole it was very entertaining...

btw how old r u? u seem to have an iffinity for trolling lmao.

scarlet pimpernel said...